Just Lose It
by Horo-Emptiness
Summary: So, what happens when Zangetsu and Ogihci get bored? Sugar-highness... Pranks... Terrorizing each other... Trying to find something to do that doesn't tick Ichigo off is gonna be challenging.
1. Sugar and Hollows

**A/N- Well, I wrote this out of boredom during class. My sense of humor may be off, but what do I know? My first story, by the way.**

**Rated T for language and future chapters. Yep, I've got them planned.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach or any characters mentioned in this fic. If I did, Ogihci would be torturing Aizen, Ulquiorra would be helping him, and it would be horrible.**

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><p>He was bored, even more bored than he usually was. There wasn't much to do in Ichigo's screwed-up mindscape. The only notable features this world had to offer was it's skyscrapers and their wierd gravity. Not much to see, not much to do.<p>

Zangetsu was standing right where he usually was- on his 'old man emo pole'. [1] He was either lost in thought or asleep. How he managed to sleep while standing was anyone's guess, but it had happened before.

"Zanny~!" the hollow called out, but the black-cloaked figure didn't move a muscle. "Zanny! Wake up!" He whined, and then poked his arm.

The sword looked at him and gave an exasperated sigh. "I wasn't asleep... Now what do you want?"

"I'm bored."

"So?"

"Come on! Wanna play a game or somethin'?"

Zangetsu looked at the hollow suspisously. "Are you trying to pull something?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"Well, when you're involved, there's usually trouble, Ogihci." [2]

"I'm not going to play with you. Go find something else to do." He then turned around and ingnored the hollow once again.

Ogihci pouted and walked off, wandering the sides of the various buildings. '_Great._' He thought. '_Zanny's busy being his emo-y self again._' He was trying to think of something to do when he suddenly recalled something. A psychotic grin spread over his face. Oh, yes.

Payback.

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><p>Zangetsu was standing on his pole, deep in thought. It had been nearly two hours since he had told the hollow to go away, and he hadn't seen him since. This was concerning; the last time this had happened, Zangetsu had found his robes shreded to pieces, courtesy of the albino. It had taken him hours to stich them back together. Just as he was about to go searching for the albino, a white blur came charging at him.<p>

"ZANNY!" the albino shrieked, his mouth ringed with chocolate.

"Wha-" Zangetsu started, but was interupted by Ogihci glomping him.

The albino shrieked happily, then pinned Zangetsu on the groung and sat on him. He was grinning wildly the whole time.

"What are you-" Sudden realization dawned on the zanpakuto. "Good lord... You found candy again, didn't you?" he asked, horrified.

"Candy!" Ogihci cried out happily, then retrieved some licorice from somewhere on his person. He began tangling the candy in Zangetsu's hair, then rethought the use of his new weapon and began tying the poor sword up with the licorice.

"No! For the love of kami, stop!" The hollow's psychotic grin just spread wider, if that was even possible, and continued on.

"Stop! I HATE LICORICE!"

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><p>-Later that day-<p>

Ichigo entered his inner world to find out what all that screaming was about earlier. He had been in class at the time, so he couldn't do anything.

Looking around, he could immediately tell _something_ was wrong.

Zangetsu was lying a short distance away, completely wrapped in what appeared to be red licorice. The shinigami couldn't tell if he was awake or unconscious, so he called out to him.

"Zan-Zangetsu?" he asked uncertainly, looking around warily at the same time.

"Mm, mrf!" was the reply that the licorice-bond spirit managed to get out, his words extremely muffled.

With some difficulty, Ichigo managed to get the licorice wrapped around his zanpakuto's face off, then set to work on the rest of the candy. Slightly amused, the strawberry just had to ask. "So... Get attacked by a candy monster or what?"

Zangetsu looked up at him, his face pale. "Ichigo, you've got to find Ogihci!"

Still bewildered by the state he found his sword in, Ichigo finally managed to remove the rest of the candy from Zangetsu's body. "Um, okay. Why?"

"HE'S ON A SUGAR HIGH!" The old man yelled at his master, grabbing his sholders and shaking him at the same time.

"Wha-What?" Ichigo stammered, his skin paling to the point to which it resembled the albino in question's. "Where'd he get candy from? I thought we took it all away 'cause of what happened last time?"

"We did. He must have had some stashed away somewhere," the sword replied, standing as he said this. "We have to find him before-"

A white figure rushing up as if to greet them interupted Zangetsu. The hollow pounced.

"KING!" He hit Ichigo on the chest, sending the shinigami flying, himself falling to the side of the building. They both got up, and the hollow darted towards the shinigami.

"Ogi-" he started, but Ogihci glomped him, knocking the wind out of Ichigo in the process. The hollow then began to squeeze the life out of the strawberry in some kind of bizarre bear-hug.

"KING!" he screamed. "Zanny wouldn't play with me!" Ichigo was now gasping for air, his face slowly turning purple. "So I found CANNNDY!" the hyperactive albino shrieked, oblivious to his 'majesty' slowly losing consciousness in his arms.

Zangetsu was frantically trying to get the hollow to release his grip on his wielder. Ichigo had passed out earlier, but the psychotic albino either didn't care or just didn't notice, which wouldn't be all that surprising considering his current state of sugar-highness.

Ogihci was currently jumping up and down, babbling on about something along the lines of 'pink bunnys covered with chocolate'. Zangetsu managed to wrench Ichigo away from the hollow, who immediately ran off the way he came, screaming about candy the whole way.

After Ichigo woke up, he and Zangetsu set out to locate Ogihci. He was sitting a few buildings away, devouring a huge pile of candy. While he was focused on unwrapping a candy bar, the zanpakuto and shinigami crept up behind him, then pounced. They brought him to the ground yelling, then tied him up with some rope. The hollow was then dragged off by Ichigo, Zangetsu taking the candy somewhere for destruction.

When the sword returned, the candy having been incinerated, Ichigo was standing above a knocked-out hollow.

"What happened?"

"He wouldn't shut up, so I knocked him out. I think he should stay tied up 'till his sugar high wears off."

"How long do you think that will take?"

"I dunno. How much candy do you think he ate?"

"Not sure."

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><p>Ogihci woke up a few hours later, still on his sugar-high. Zangetsu promptly knocked him out again.<p>

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><p><strong>[1]- Hehe... Name inspired by Kuro-Hollow-Neko.<strong>

**[2]- I call Ogihci this only because it's the only thing close to a name that he's been given. I know he says he has no name, but at the beginning of No Shaking Throne (Vol. 25) in the Bleach All Stars thing his name is listed as ikasoruK ogihcI. He _is _the exact opposite of Ichigo, after all.**

**A/N- Well, I don't know if anyone'll like it, but I really like to write about these guys. I've got a whole page with ideas for new chapters on it, just waiting to be written.**

****Any suggestions would be welcome. **Review! **


	2. Can't Sleep

**A/N- I had this chapter typed out, so I figured I'd post it. I wrote it in honor of my favorite book of all time- Stephen King's It.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters. I also don't own any of Stephen King's books mentioned in this chapter, especially It. Oh, and just in case, I don't own The Simpsons.**

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><p>"<span>The Shining<span>...Misery...Skeleton Crew..." the sword read from the bookself.

He had found the library the day before. It took up half of one of the larger skyscrapers, and contained just about every book imaginable somewhere on it's many shelves.

Zangetsu was currently wandering through the Horror section looking at the titles under "King", while Ogihci was sitting at a table reading a book on medieval torture. The hollow also had a large stack of books in front of him with topics concerning things such as torture and serial killers. Kami knows how he managed to find them all.

"What _is_ that?" The sword had returned from the bookshelves and had looked down at Ogihci's book.

"Scavenger's Daughter," [1] replied the albino, who was to engrossed in his book to say anything else. There were multiple pictures depicting the torture device, as well as a diagram showing what kind of damage one would sustain from it. The 'Scavenger's Daughter' appeared to be a 'A' shaped device, and the diagram appeared to show someone who had been crushed.

Zangetsu set several thick books down and took the seat across from the hollow. Picking up one of the larger titles, he began to read the summary.

"Skeleton Crew... Nightmares and Dreamscapes... Cujo... Stephen King, huh?"

The sword looked up. "You've read them?"

"Yep," Ogihci regarded the zanpakuto's expression. "What, surprised I can read?"

"No, it's just..." Zangetsu trailed off, having picked up a book, It.

"Ooh, It! Read it!" the hollow commanded. He then turned back to his pile of books and opened one about serial killers.

After reading the summery on the first page, plus the reviews, the sword shrugged and opened the book.

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><p><em>-The Next Day-<em>

'King, get in here!'

Ichigo, who had been sitting in his Japanese class, almost fell out of his seat at his hollow's shout.

'Not now. I'm in class.'

'But it's important!'

'Fine. What is it?'

'Zanny's gone crazy!'

'What're you talking about?'

'He kept running away from me this morning!'

'Yeah. I think most sane people would run away from you.'

'But now he's locked himself in his room and he keeps talkin' to himself.'

'What?'

'Just get in here, King.'

'Class ends in three minutes. Wait 'till then.'

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><p>After his class ended, Ichigo found a safe spot to leave his body, then entered his inner world.<p>

"Hello?" the shinigami shouted, having not seen anyone.

"Two buildings to yer left, King," came the reply.

At the specified area, Ichigo found a medium-sized skyscraper with a terrace on it, along with a sliding glass door.

Entering the building, he heard his hollow shouting.

"Zanny!" The response that came was indiscernible, being extremely muffled. Following the voice, Ichigo came upon his hollow, who was standing outside of a door, trying to get in. He guessed that was the sword's room.

"Zangetsu's in there?"

"Yeah! And he won't come out."

"Why?"

"I dunno. Don't think he slept last night, either."

"Again, why?"

" 'Cause he kept talkin' to himself the whole night."

"Um, okay... And you know this because...?"

Ogihci pointed across the hall at another door. "I could hear him from my room."

Ichigo sighed, then knocked on Zangetsu's door. "Zangetsu? You in there?" There was a reply, but it was too quiet to be heard. "You're gonna have to speak up. I can't hear you." He paused for a minute, and getting no response, the strawberry called out again. "Zangetsu, open up."

"...Can't... mrf...me..." came the extremely soft, muffled response.

Ichigo tried the doorknob.

"It's locked, King."

"You think I can't tell that?" The shinigami frowned at the door. "Do you have a bobby pin or something?" he asked, seeing the doorknob was an older, pickable version.

"No. Why would I?" Ogihci replied, crossing his arms. "And why would ya need one, anyways?"

Ichigo got his point, then turned back to the door. "Zangetsu, open up. Now."

After a few seconds of silence, he shrugged, then kicked the door in. Walking in with his hollow close behind, he was met with a surprising sight.

At first glance, the room, which had a dark color scheme, appeared empty. Upon closer inspection, the shinigami spotted his zanpakuto.

Zangetsu had retreated to his emo corner, where he was currently curled up in the fetal position, mumbling to himself. The only thing out of place in the room was a book on the floor near the bed. Ogihci glanced at it, then picked it up to look at the cover.

Ichigo tentatively approached his zanpakuto. "Zangetsu?"

"Can't...mrf...will...me..." The sword had his head buried in his arms, so his words were muffled.

"Uh... Come again?" Ichigo said, reaching out to put his hand on Zangetsu's shoulder.

"Can't sleep, clown will eat me," [2] the old man said, finally looking up.

"What?"

"...Can't sleep, clown will eat me," Zangetsu repeated, now staring blankly at a wall.

"King?" Ogihci walked up to Ichigo, holding the book.

"What'd you do?" asked the shinigami, tearing his attention away from his sword, who was still staring at the wall like a brain-dead zombie.

"Me? I didn't do anything!"

"Can't sleep, clown will eat me..." Zangetsu mumbled, now staring at Ogihci. The two boys threw Zangetsu quizzical glances.

"Okay then..."

"The hell've you been smokin', Zanny?" the hollow asked, taking a step towards the sword.

At this, the sword's eyes went wide, then ran out of the room, screaming, "NOOOO!", leaving a very confused Ichigo and an amused Ogihci behind.

"What was that about?" the strawberry asked, bewildered by the sword's behavoir.

"Clowns..." the hollow thought out loud. His eyes widened as an idea struck him, and he started laughing. He looked down at the book in his hand. "Ha! Zanny's scared of It!"

"It?" Ichigo asked, not making the connection.

The albino, who was now bent double with laughter, held up the book for his 'King' to see. Ichigo took it and looked at the cover, which showed a sewer grate, a paper boat, and part of what looked like a clown's face. The listed title was It.

"...How is he scared of It? Book's not _that_ scary..."

"That's what makes it funny! Ooh, I gotta idea!" Ogihci bolted off to do whatever was going through his deranged mind.

Ichigo sighed. This couldn't be good.

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><p>Zangetsu was sitting on the edge of a building next to his emo pole, mumbling on about killer clowns. Suddenly, Ogihci arrived, apparently having used sonido to get there.<p>

"Hey, Zanny!" the hollow shouted at the sword, who looked at him in horror. Seeing this, the hollow gave his signature psychotic grin.

"Go away..." Zangetsu mumbled, burying his head in his arms again.

"Ogihci..." Ichigo had finally located the two spirits after running all over his mindscape searching for them.

"He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts!" [3] Ogihci chanted at Zangetsu, who's eyes went wide. The zanpakuto then began to flee from the deranged hollow, who proceeded to chase him, laughing and chanting the odd phrase over and over again.

"Stop it you two!" Ichigo was now running after the two spirits, trying to figure out what was going on. In a burst of speed, he managed to tackle the spastic hollow and brought him to the ground. The shinigami then grabbed his zanpakuto's arm and dragged him back over to where Ogihci was laying.

"Now explain what the hell is going on!" he yelled at Ogihci, Zangetsu having curled up into the fetal position _again_.

"...Can't sleep... Clown will eat me..."

"A clown is _not_ going to eat you." Ichigo told the zanpakuto in a _'well, duh'_ voice.

"Zanny's afraid of It!" Ogihci cackled.

"Stop it!"

"But King ~," the hollow whined. "Zanny'll snap outta it in a few days. He always does."

"I don't- wait, did you just say _always_?"

"Yeah."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Everything, King."

Ichigo sighed, then continued on. "Well, I don't care. You guys are going to destroy my mindscape if you don't stop."

The hollow's grin returned, and, completely ignoring the shinigami, turned to Zangetsu. "Hey Zanny."

"Ogihci," Ichigo said in warning.

"We all float down here, and you'll float too," [4] he said in an really creepy, unsettling voice. That was when the sword lost it.

"NOOOO!" Zangetsu screamed, then jumped off the edge of the building to another, lower one, then ran off and disappeared. Ichigo couldn't find him no matter how hard he searched, and Ogihci wasn't helping; he was still lying on the ground laughing his ass off when the shinigami returned a hour later.

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><p><em>-In a warehouse somewhere in Ichigo's screwed up mindscape-<em>

Zangetsu was slowly drinking himself into a stupor. He still had quite a bit of sake stashed away. Best not to waste it.

Ogihci would rue this day. _'And the ruing starts now,'_ Zangetsu thought. _'Now...'_

The old man passed out, completely wasted.

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><p><strong>[1]- The Scavenger's Daughter was a rarely used medieval torture device. It basically did the exact opposite of what the Rack did; Crushed instead of stretched. <strong>

**[2]- Originally said in The Simpsons.**

**[3] & [4]- Both are things said in It. The first one's said by both Bill and Ben (I think), and the second one is said by Pennywise the Clown.**

**A/N- Uh, well, yeah. Apparently Zangetsu has coulrophobia (fear of clowns) now. xD If you've never read It, before, you really should. You might develop an insane fear of clowns and sewers, but... ** **Really good book.**

**Review! It makes me happy. (Arigato, ShiroHichi891 and TheCatWithTheHat for reviewing this so soon. Didn't think this would really get any reviews, next day- two reviews! ^^; )**


	3. Snowmen

****A/N- I know. This chapter's a bit short. The next one'll be longer. I promise.****

****Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach or any characters associated with it.****

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><p>'King, what's that?'<p>

Ichigo, who had been taking a walk outside, paused at his hollow's question. His thoughts were on other things at the moment, namely what he was going to do during Winter break, which had started the day before.

'What?'

'The white stuff on the ground.'

'Uh... Snow?' the shinigami told his hollow, who fell silent. 'What? You've never seen snow before?'

'It only rains here, Ichigo,' Zangetsu informed him.

'When'd you get here?' Ogihci asked the sword. 'See? I told ya. Zanny came back!' he told Ichigo.

'...We're going to have to get you over your coulrophobia, Zangetsu,' the young shinigami told his zanpakuto. 'And Ogihci, snow-'

'What's coulrophobia, King?'

'Fear of clowns. Anyways, snow-'

'We all float down here... And you'll float to, Za- OW!'

'Quit it,' the old zanpakuto spirit told Ogihci, sounding a bit freaked out.

'King! Zanny hit me.'

'You deserved it. Now let me finish.' Ichigo told the albino, his patience running thin. 'Snow's like frozen rain, only... White and fluffy?' he said, not really sure on how to describe the material.

'Can you bring some in here?'

'Why?'

'Cause I wanna see some!'

'It would be nice to see something other than rain puddles in here.'

'...Fine. I'll see what I can do.'

'Yay!' Ogihci cheered. Zangetsu stayed silent.

Ichigo sighed, then started walking home.

"Why do I have a feeling this won't end well?"

...

Later that day, Ichigo entered his inner world. He had brought Yuzu's saucer-shaped sled with him, which he had filled with snow. (Don't ask how he got it in there)

Ogihci, who had been lying on the side of the skyscraper watching the clouds, looked like a little kid on Christmas when he saw the snow. Zangetsu walked up to Ichigo, away from his pole, looking interested.

"Sorry. Took me a while to find the sled," Ichigo told the two spirits. He observed Ogihci, who was poking at the snow in a curious manner. He then turned to his sword, only to see that the sword was smiling.

"Holy shit! He can smile!" the shinigami shouted in amazement. "It's a Christmas miracle!"

"Zanny's smiling? Quick, get a camera!"

"Why are you two making such a big deal over it?"

"Cause yer an emo!" the hollow informed Zangetsu.

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Will you to stop fighting?"

Ogihci shrugged and turned back to the snow, picking some up to play with it. Zangetsu walked over to the sled, looking down at the white material contained in it. Ichigo was watching both of them, amused by their reactions to the snow.

"Ichigo."

The strawberry turned to his zanpakuto. "What?"

He was then hit by a tightly packed snowball. On the back. And it _hurt_.

"HEY!" he roared at his hollow, who was currently grinning from ear to ear, creating another icy projectile. Zangetsu had gone to Ogihci's side, and was now creating a supply of snowballs, which the albino was now happily chucking at the poor strawberry.

"Stop! AHH! It's in my shirt!" Ichigo yelled, trying to get the snow out, while at the same time trying to flee the two traitors, who weren't going to let that happen. Ogihci kept using sonido to get in front of him, trying to hit his face and groin with snowballs. Zangetsu was keeping him supplied with more 'ammo', otherwise keeping to the sidelines, observing their one-sided snowball fight.

"Enough!" Ichigo shouted, whipping the oversized kitchen knife that was Zangetsu off his back. "Getsuga Tensho!"

The attack obliiterated the snow, remaining snowballs, and Yuzu's sled.

Ogihci, who was now out of snowballs, started to whine. "Aw, King... You ruined the fun." He crossed his arms and began pouting.

"You thought that was _fun_?" Ichigo was absolutely pissed now, glaring at both hollow and zanpakuto.

"Ichigo... It was a joke. Calm down." Zangetsu was now worridly looking at the sky, where dark rain clouds were beginning to form.

"Ah, come on, King." It was the hollow who spoke this time, concerned about the incoming clouds as well. "Can't ya take a joke?"

"A _joke_?" Ichigo shouted. He pinched the bridge of his nose trying to calm down.

"King?"

The teen was now gritting his teeth. "Fine. Enjoy the storm," he managed to say before exiting his mindscape.

Zangetsu and Ogihci looked at each other. "You don't think it made him _that_ mad, do you?" the black-clothed man asked, looking up at the clouds, which were now resembling thunderheads.

"I dunno..."

It then proceeded to rain. Hard. The rain was followed by lightning. Which was followed by gale-force winds.

"Does THAT answer your question?" Ogihci shouted at Zangetsu while running for his little hollow heart. (He has a heart?)

_To Be Continued..._

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><p><strong>AN- I think I wrote this out of disappointment. We haven't been getting much snow where I live... **

**And yes, the story _will_ continue in the next chapter. :D Let the chaos continue!**

**Review!**


	4. Rain, Spirits, and Mutant Bunnies

**A/N- Well, I told you the next one would be longer, and it is. 2,514 words. Whew! My figures hurt from writing...**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach or any characters associated with it. **

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><p>"<em>Brilliant<em> idea, Ogihci."

"How was I supposed to know King would react like that?"

It was the day after the Snowball Incident, and the two spirits were trying to repair any damage caused by the storm. After Ichigo had left, all hell broke loose. Rain falling in sheets, lightning flashing and thunder crashing every two seconds, and brutal winds. Within a hour, the thunderstorm had begun to resemble a category 5 hurricane.

Ogihci and Zangetsu had managed to avoid the worst of it by taking shelter in the library, which turned out to be a good choice. The storm lasted all throughout the night until lunchtime the next day. They had nothing else to do other than read, with Zangetsu staying as far away from the Horror section as he could. After staying in the building for almost thirteen straight, they were able to go outside.

A lot of the windows were shattered, which was only natural due to the skyscrapers being almost completely made of glass, and Zangetsu's pole was nowhere to be found. Seeing this, the old man wandered off to morn for his fallen pole. Ogihci, meanwhile, was focusing on one of the broken windows.

"NOOO! My candy!" He ran off to save any candy that had survived the rain.

...

Ichigo, meanwhile, was trying to figure out what to do with the two spirits. That little 'prank' was just to much.

Punishments... Not watch TV for a week? No. Set a Menos Grande on them? No, to much trouble. Beat the living shit out of them? No, to much could go wrong.

While he was still deep in thought, Rukia and Orihime emerged from the apartment behind him. Orihime had managed to lose one of her Shun Shun Rikka, and Rukia had been helping her look inside, while Ichigo searched the ground outside. Apparently, she had found the missing pin in the refrigerator, and Tsubaki was pissed because of the cold.

"Come on, Ichigo!" Rukia said, dragging him down the street. "They've got Chappy posters on sale today!"

It was then that the idea for his revenge hit the young shinigami. Literally.

Rukia had dragged him to the shop that she was interested in, and had managed to slam Ichigo's head into a overhanging sign, almost knocking him out in the process.

"My... Head..." he gasped, on the ground clutching his skull, trying to relive the excruciating pain.

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime cried, rushing to his side. Rukia was now kneeling down next to the fallen teen, apologizing.

Ichigo looked up, seeing that he had hit a large sign that depicted Chappy surrounded by flowers and carrots. The idea struck him.

"Ichigo, are you alright?" Rukia was asking him.

He got shakily to his feet. "I'm fine. Really," he assured his two friends. "Look, I just remembered. There's something I've gotta do." He ran off in the direction of Urahara's shop. "Bye Rukia! See you, Orihime!"

"I hope Kurosaki-kun's alright..." Orihime sighed. "He hit that sign really hard..."

...

Entering his inner world, Ichigo took in the scenery around him. There were still many broken windows. but a lot of them had been repaired, including the one that had apparently been protecting Ogihci's candy stash. Zangetsu was standing off to the right, staring at the spot where his pole had been, where there was now a small, but deep, hole in the building's side.

"King~," Ogihci whined, having appeared to Ichigo's left. "Why'd you have to get so mad? Ya ruined all of my candy..."

"That's probably a good thing... Zangetsu, what _are_ you _doing_?" he asked, observing his zanpakuto. He was walking towards the hole carrying a bucket and what looked like a new metal pole. The sword silently slid the pole into the hole, then started pouring the bucket's contents in around it. After the bucket was empty, he took a piece of metal and used it to smooth out the material. He then walked off.

"Zanny's fixing his pole, King," the hollow informed him, fumbling with the wrapper of a candy bar. "The storm killed it."

"Uh, okay then," he said, still confused as to where the sword had obtained the materials to fix it.

Ogihci was still struggling with the candy wrapper, and when he finally managed to rip it open, he cheered. Before he could take a bite, however, Ichigo snached it away from him.

"Hey!"

"You don't need any more energy."

"Aw, King..."

"Don't want to hear it. I'd prefer you as a regular psychotic hollow right now, not that sugar-high one that's always jumping on people."

"That's sweet, King."

"Shut it. Now, where's Zangetsu?"

"You didn't need to get _that_ angry, Ichigo."

The shinigami sighed at his zanpakuto's comment. "Well, anyways... I finally decided what you guy's punishment is going to be."

"Punishment? Wasn't that typhoon enough?"

"Nope."

"You're mean, King..."

"What are you, Dr. Suess?"

"Who?"

"...Well anyways," Ichigo said, deciding to ignore his hollow's question. He looked down at the cardboard box in his hand.

"What the... Where'd that come from?" Ogihci asked, shocked. Zangetsu had the same reaction as the hollow was, as there hadn't been anything in the shinigami's hands a second ago.

"What're you talking about? I've been holding it the whole time," he answered, picking at the tape that held the box's flaps shut.

The box also had... '_Are those air holes?_' Zangetsu wondered, seeing the holes that had been punched in it.

Finally peeling the tape off, Ichigo set the box down, opened it, and pulled out...

'_...A bunny?_' Ogihci thought, looking at the white, fluffy creature on Ichigo's arms.

"This is Ozzy. One of Orihime's friend's friend needs someone to look after him while his house is being renovated," the shinigami explained, gently stroking the bunny's back as he spoke.

"And you want us to do what with it?" Zangetsu inquired. The bunny was looking around the inner world with it's pink eyes, curious. The sword shivered. He did _not_ need another albino running around in here.

"Take care of him. Everything you'll need is over there." the teen said, gesturing behind him where a large cardboard box was sitting.

"What the hell! Okay, that was NOT there a second ago, King!" shouted Ogihci.

"Yeah it was. You just didn't notice it."

"Ichigo, really. Why are boxes randomly appearing in here? This place isn't falling apart again, is it?" Zangetsu asked, warily looking around for more falling boxes.

"No, Zangetsu, it's not." Ichigo said calmly, as to not startle the small rodent in his arms. "Anyways, you guys'll need to watch him for a week... And he needs to still be alive by then."

"And why are we watching this thing, King?"

"Because you tried to kill me with snowballs yesterday.. Now, I've got to go and keep Orihime from having a panic attack." he set the bunny down. "Take care of Ozzy."

"King?" his hollow asked right before Ichigo left his mindscape. "Who's Ozzy's owner?"

"I told you. Orihime's friend's friend." he said, then left.

"..."

"..."

Zangetsu walked to the large box and opened it, while Ogihci walked over and picked the bunny up.

"A bunny..." the hollow mumbled, looking at the creature's eyes. Innocent... Pink eyes...

"Alright. Put him in here." Zangetsu said from behind him. Ogihci turned to see a medium sized cage, lined with newspapers and hay, with a food bowl and water bottle set out.

"Wow. How'd you get that set up so fast?"

"The cage was already put together... I just had to put all that stuff in."

"Uh, okay..." the hollow walked over and set the rabbit in the enclosure, closing the little door on the top. He glanced in the large box, where the was a bag of food, several bottles of water, more newspapers and hay, a book, and what appeared to be several wooden bunny toys. Zangetsu picked up the book, which turned out to be a bunny care guide, and started looking through it.

"Okay... What they eat... Play time... Medical care... How to breed them? I don't think we need to know that..."

"Zanny, does that book say anything about-" He stopped, having heard a squeak from behind them. The hollow turned and was met with the sight of Ozzy sitting on the top of his cage, happily gnawing on a carrot.

"How'd he get out? Did you leave the latch undone?"

"No." Ogihci picked Ozzy up, looked at him, then him, minus his carrot, back into his cage.

The hollow turned back to the box only to hear the squeak again. He whirled around to see the exact same thing, only this time, Ozzy was staring straight at the hollow.

"_Okay_ then..." Zangetsu said, looking at the bunny cautiously. "That _is_ a normal bunny, right?"

"Think so. Doesn't seem to have any weird spiritual pressure or anything..." the hollow said while moving to return Ozzy to his cage. "He's creeping me out a b- OW!"

"What?"

"He bit me!" Ogihci held up his index finger, showing the sword a nasty gash.

Ozzy growled, causing both spirits to look at him fearfully. Bunnies did NOT growl. He jumped off his cage and started hopping towards them.

"Uh... Good bunny... Sweet bunny?" Zangetsu whispered, backing away with Ogihci doing the same.

The bunny paused, looking at the two in front of him with those captivating pink eyes of his. The two spirits held their breath, hoping that nothing was about to happen.

"Good bunny?" Ogihci said uncertainly.

Suddenly, Ozzy puffed up to about five times his normal size, stood up on his back legs, opened his mouth, and let out a roar. Bunnies should _never_ have teeth like that.

"AHH!" Both spirits ran for their lives, the mutant bunny at their heels.

...

Ichigo was sitting in Urahara's shop with his friends, cracking jokes and laughing, when he became aware of the shouts.

'KILL IT! KILL IT! AHHH!'

"I think they just met the _real_ Ozzy..."

"Think they liked the surprise?" Urahara asked, fanning himself.

'It ate my pole! YOU SHALL DIE! ... AH!'

'Zanny!'

Ichigo smiled. "Yep. Thanks for helping me with that, Urahara."

"Don't you think that was a little, oh I don't know... Harsh?" Ishida asked.

"Uryu, you don't know those two. They're a danger to themselves and to anyone in their paths."

'NO! My candy! That's it!'

"Oh crap..."

"What's wrong, Kurosaki-kun?" a worried Orihime asked.

'BANKAI!' Both of the spirits yelled. Multiple crashes and bangs followed.

"...I'd better go and stop them from destroying my mindscape..."

"Why? What'd they do?" Yorurichi inquired.

"They just went Bankai on Ozzy's ass."

...

All hell had broken loose in Ichigo's mindscape. It was hard to believe that a bunny caused all of this... Well, it was a mutant hollow bunny, but still...

A roar, crash, and some swearing caught Ichigo's attention. Looking over, he saw Ogihci in Bankai form, getting up from within the center of a crater in one of the buildings. Ozzy roared and charged the hollow. Tensa Zangetsu came in from the side, slamming into Ozzy and sending him flying.

"So... Having fun?" Ichigo asked innocently, receiving glares from both spirits before the bunny moved in to attack again.

"Why the hell'd you give us a demonic bunny to take care of?" Ogihci yelled angrily at the shinigami. Behind him, Tensa Zangetsu's head almost got ripped off by one of Ozzys claws.

Fortunately, they only managed to hit his hair.

Unfortunately, they got caught in his hair, and with a yelp, the sword was flung a good distance away from the evil fur ball, who ran after him quickly.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that? Sorry, must've slipped my mind."

"I hate you, King!" Ozzy turned at the sound of Ogihci's cry, attacking him. The hollow began screaming in terror. "AHH! It's the bunny from hell!"

Tensa Zangetsu got to his feet, his robes ripped, panting. "Damn... You... Ichigo..." Ozzy then came after him _again_.

The young shinigami smirked. "Have you guys learned your lesson?"

"YES!" the two spirits shouted in unison, running from Ozzy the Mutant Bunny, who was drooling all over the place.

"You'll never try to kill me with snowballs again?"

"NO!"

"Just get this _thing_ out of here!"

"Fine." Ichigo walked over to where the cardboard box sat, reached in, and pulled out several carrots. He held them up in the air. "Oi, Ozzy!"

The bunny stopped in his tracks, looked at Ichigo, and sniffed the air.

"Want a carrot?" Upon hearing this, Ozzy's ears perked up, and he started to run up to Ichigo, shrinking as he went. When he reached the shinigami, he had gone back to his normal size. Ichigo set the carrots down on the ground, where Ozzy began devoring them.

"How... Why...?"

"You took away his carrot," Ichigo calmly explained, putting the bunny's items back into the box. "He was hungry and pissed."

"Wait... So he turned into that _thing_ because I took away his carrot?" Ogihci asked, staring at the innocent-looking bunny.

"Yes."

"..."

"Well, I'll just be going then." Ichigo said, picking Ozzy up (letting him keep the carrot, of coarse) and grabbing the box before leaving his mindscape.

Ogihci and Zangetsu both stood in shocked silence, taking in the results of the bunny's rampage. The mindscare was more damaged than it had been after the typhoon.

"...We should probably start fixing everything."

"...Yeah..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN- I have absolutly NO idea where this idea came from. As for the bunny's name... The phrase 'Ozzy the Mutant Hollow Bunny' popped into my head during one of my classes, and I just had to use it.**

**And just for fun... Anyone want to take a guess as to who "Orihime's friend's friend", AKA Ozzy's owner, is? Go on, take a guess.**

**Review!**


	5. And BOOM Goes the Berry

**A/N- A shorter chapter again... I'm so cruel to Ogihci.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach or any other copyrighted material. Obviously. **

* * *

><p><em>ssss... BANG!<em>

Zangetsu nearly fell off the building from the shock. Then, high pitched, echoing laughter ringed out.

"Ogihci... What're you doing?" He turned to the albino, who was crouched down in front of a small burn mark that had some paper scraps lying in the middle.

The zanpakuto narrowed his eyes. "Was that... A firecracker?"

"Yep! I found a whole crate full of 'em!"

"...Let me get this straight. Ichigo got mad at us because of some snowballs, and you're messing with _firecrackers_ this time?"

"Uh-huh."

"..."

"What's wrong, Zanny?"

"You're demented. You know that?"

The hollow just smiled and took out another explosive. He lit it, the threw it at Zangetsu. It blew up at his feet, causing him to jump back, trip on his robes, and go tumbling backwards.

Zangetsu just got up and sighed.

...

Ichigo, who's break from school was almost over, was enjoying some desserts with his friends. To keep everyone alive, Ishida had cooked it. Orihime had wanted to help, but the fried-octopus-ice cream sundae that she had tried to make wasn't anything anybody but Matsumoto would eat. Further accenting this fact, it had spontaneously combusted after she had poked it with a spoon.

_ssss... BANG!_

Ichigo's eyes widened, and he began choking on the piece of cake he had been eating.

"Kurosaki-kun!"

Chad calmly pounded his fist on the teen's back, causing him to cough up the chunk of cake.

"Oh man... Thanks Chad."

The giant of a man nodded in response.

"Are you alright?" asked Orihime, as worried as ever.

"Yeah... Wait, you guys didn't hear that?"

"Hear what?"

_ssssssss... BANG!_

"Seriously? You guys didn't hear _that_?"

"What're you talking about, strawberry?" Renji asked, thinking Ichigo was losing it again.

'Don't you dare light that, Ogihci.'

'Heh.'

_ssss... BANG!_

Ichigo groaned and grabbed his head. "...What the hell're they doing in there..."

'I swear, if you-'

_BANG!_

'Ah! My robe's on fire!'

"Who?"

"Zangetsu and Ogihci..."

"Do you need to borrow Ozzy-chan again, Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime was looking over to where the mutant bunny was lying in his enclosure, happily asleep.

"No, but-"

'DON'T!'

_BOOM!_

Ichigo passed out, causing everyone to start freaking out. Orihime began having a panic attack.

...

"What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you know what you've done?"

Ichigo pried open his eyes and was greeted with the sight of the screwed up world that was his mind. Zangetsu was yelling at Ogihci, who still had that psychotic grin on his face.

The shinigami groaned. "Damn... What'd you do?"

"He set off a M-80, Ichigo." Zangetsu gestured to his right, where a fist sized chunk of concrete had been blown out by the explosion.

"Where did you even get a M-80? And what were those bangs earlier?"

"Apparently, the smaller bangs were mini-dynamites," the sword explained, gesturing at the smaller burn marks on the building and at his robe, where a large piece had been burned away. "But I have absolutely _no_ idea about the M-80."

"Okay... Ogihci, were _did_ you get those?"

The hollow remained silent.

"Ogihci..."

"...Places."

Ichigo sighed. "Well, why'd you set it off?" he asked, referring to the M-80.

"It made a big bang."

"Which almost deafened me."

"And knocked me out." the shinigami said angrily.

"Well I didn't know it'd do that!"

"I kept telling you to stop..."

While the two spirits argued, Ichigo began staring at Ogihci, which was apparently making him uncomfortable.

"What?"

The teen smirked and walked over to Zangetsu, whispering something in his ear. The sword's eyes went wide, and he whispered something back to his master. This exchange went on for a bit, with Ogihci demanding to know what they were talking about every two seconds.

Finally, they both nodded and walked off in separate directions.

Ogihci followed Zangetsu, since there was less of a chance of getting his ass handed to him with that choice. The sword headed into the library, where Ogihci quickly lost him.

_'The hell did Zanny go?'_ he though, waiting outside for the sword to emerge. When he did, he didn't appear to be holding anything. Upon further inspection, Ogihci saw that whatever he had was wrapped up in his robes. Zangetsu ignored the hollow's presence and headed back to the main building, Ogihci followed.

...

Ichigo was waiting for the two spirits to return. He hadn't been able to exit his inner world, so he guessed he was going to be stuck in there for a while. Might as well have some fun.

Ogihci was currently bothering Zangetsu, not knowing where he was going. Before he could ask the black-clothed man walking in front of him what was going on, the sword turned on his heels and grabbed the hollow.

"Wha-"

Using shunpo, Zangetsu took the struggling albino inside one of the buildings and shoved him inside of a dark room. Ogihci caught a glimpse of orange before the door was slammed shut.

"Zanny! King! Open up! This isn't funny!" he shouted while banging his fists against the door.

Zangetsu and Ichigo looked at each other, listening to the hollow's shouts. They had locked him in a room with no windows, reinforced walls and door, and the whole thing being resistant to reishi-based attacks.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Nope, but he'll never learn his lesson if we don't try, will he?"

Zangetsu shrugged and produced the CDs that had been hidden in his robe.

"What're you guys doing out there?"

Ichigo looked at the different CDs' contents and selected one. He inserted it into a stereo that had been set up earlier, setting the device so it would play the disc over and over again. The music would be blasted from some speakers in the room Ogihci was locked in, which were also smash-proof.

Pressing play, Ichigo and Zangetsu hurriedly left the room.

"King? Zan-"

-A minute later-

_'And I was like baby, baby, baby, ooh~ '_

"NOOOOOO! Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN- Ah, poor Ogihci. Left listening to the worst music in the Universe. (No offense to people who actually like that kind of music) I almost feel sorry for doing that to him... But there is a reason to my madness.**

**Review!**


	6. Music

**A/N- Not really sure about this chapter... Tried to make it funny, but...**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach, nor do I own _Animal I Have Become_, _Eon_, or the album Wish Upon a Blackstar. Those belong to Three Day Grace and Celldweller.**

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_So what if you can see_

_The darkest side of me_

_No one will ever change this animal I have become__"_

Ogihci looked up. "What the heck?" Zangetsu did the same thing, staying silent.

_"__Help me believe_

_It's not the real me_

_Somebody help me turn this animal~__"_

'King?'

After a few seconds of silence, the teen responded. 'What?'

'What is that?'

'The music?'

'Yeah.'

'Three Days Grace?' Zangetsu guessed.

'You listen to them, old man?'

'Yes... The library has a lot of CDs in it's collection.'

'Where does that stuff even come from?'

'I dunno, King.'

...

Later, Ichigo was taking a peaceful walk through the park. He had stopped to watch the river flow along sluggishly.

_"__I'm pushing through face-DOWWNN!__"_

Ichigo nearly had a heart attack right there.

...

The shinigami entered his inner world, wincing slightly from the headache he had developed. That song... He was pretty sure he had heard it somewhere before. A game, maybe a movie. He wasn't sure.

"Ogihci!"

The white form looked up, away from his manga, at the shout. "Whatever you're mad about, King, it wasn't me." he said, glancing back to the book.

"The music," he growled. "Why?"

"Music? Oh, that was Zanny."

"Why would he..." Ichigo said through gritted teeth.

"Ichigo," Zangetsu had appeared behind his master.

"The music... Was that you?"

"Huh?"

"Did you blast that music earlier?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"I scared the living crap out of a little kid because of you, and now I have a huge headache. _Why_?"

"It was an accident. I was just playing Wish Upon a Blackstar and I accidentally turned the volume to the max."

"On that paticular part of the song."

"Yes..."

"It's really not that hard to do, King. There's like, twenty repeats of that line in the song."

"I don't care. Blasting it's blasting it."

"King, are you going to punish Zanny?" Ogihci's eyes went wide with excitement. "Can I lock 'em in the Room of No Talent? Please?"

The shinigami sighed. "No."

"Why not?"

"Cause I want to keep using my Bankai."

"And locking him in the No-Talent Room will do... What?"

"No Bankai equals no badass moments."

"...Oh."

* * *

><p><strong>Reason for the music choices- We really don't know what kind of music Ichigo listens to, but <em>Animal I Have Become<em> has always been a song I think he would have on his iPod... Erm, and Ogihci probably recommended _Eon_ to Zangetsu.**

**A/N- Sorry for the shortness of the chapter... I'm really busy right now. Damn school... I've also been working on another fic in my spare time, which I've been wanting to do for a while. It involves the Espada, 'cause I really like to mess with those guys, and there's so much chaos to be caused. I'll have it up as soon as I can. Don't think I'm forgetting this fic, thought. I've still got a whole bunch of crap to put these guys through.**

**Zangetsu- ...Stop him. Please.**

**Me- Heh. Not a chance.**

**Review!**


	7. Melee!

**A/N- Sorry for the slow update. I had a little bout of writer's block. Anyways, this chapter contains a few phrases that are in Japanese. Translations are at the end.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach or any other copyrighted material. Obviously.**

* * *

><p>'HA! Take that Link!'<p>

'Peach shall die!'

Ichigo sighed. This test required concentration, which he wasn't getting due to whatever the hell those two were doing.

'Will you guys keep it down?'

'Zanny! Stop throwing me off the arena!'

_'Wah!'_

'There. I threw Link off instead. Happy?'

'Guys!'

_'Ah!'_

'And I blew Peach up.'

'SHUT UP!'

All was silent after that, allowing Ichigo to finish half of his test in peace.

Then it started again.

_'Mwahahaha'_

'Stop taunting me! It isn't funny!'

'Pffft... You look like your getting raped. By a ReDead.'

'Shut. The hell. Up.' Ichigo growled at them.

'But King~'

'This counts for twenty-five percent of my grade. Now shut up so I can concentrate.'

'But-'

'Shut up!'

'...'

It wasn't until after he started working on his test again that he noticed that everyone was staring at him.

"Kurosaki?" his teacher asked, actually looking concerned for once.

He was confused at first, but then realized that he had said the last thing out loud.

"Um... Sorry. Guess I was daydreaming," he nervously explained.

"Well, you know how important this test is, so make sure it doesn't happen again," she said, sitting back down at her desk.

A small murmur went through the room before everyone went back to their tests. Something to do with schizophrenia.

Ichigo sighed, then returned to his test. He finished uninterrupted.

...

Scratching his head with a pen, the young shinigami focused on his homework. Why did Algebra have to be so confusing?

_'Watashi wa makeru wake niwa ikanai!'_

'Zanny~!'

'Oh, come on!'

'Ya wanna play, King?'

'No! I just want to do this work and then GO TO SLEEP!'

'...Party pooper...'

Ichigo let out an exasperated sigh.

'There's no need to get frustrated, Ichigo.'

The Pokémon battle theme began playing.

'Gah! Will you shut that thing up!'

'Sorry King. That's just the music tha' Stadium plays.'

'What're you two playing anyways?'

'Super Smash Bros Melee.'

'...Well, that explains a lot.'

'Don't knock it until you try it, Ichi- DIE YOSHI!'

'Erm... You know what? Forget it.' he said inside his head, returning back to his homework.

He had finally gotten to the point where he wasn't questioning the origin of the items those two seemed to pull out of nowhere. Ichigo still didn't know how things like that got into his mindscape, but he didn't feel like asking.

...

_-Two Hours Later-_

_'Orokana.'_

"That's five times in a row, Zanny!"

"How'd you...?"

'Lots of practice.'

They had managed to convince Ichigo to take a break from his homework. All three of them were now playing the game. Ichigo was playing as Link, Ogihci, who had been playing as Pikachu, was now playing as the red version of Link, and Zangetsu was playing as Mewtwo. They were pretty much just throwing items at each other, with Zangetsu Shadow Ball-ing Ogihci when he kept doing SDs, taking Ichigo with him.

During the next game, Pichu had somehow been activated as the CPU player, and the three spirits just took turns trying to kill him. Not that hard.

_'Pichu-Pi!'_

"That's like, what? the twentieth time that thing's died so far?" Ichigo asked, picking up a Bob-omb and chucking it at Zangetsu, who dodged and threw another at him.

"Nineteenth. And we haven't died once..."

Being distracted by their improvised game of Hot Potato, they didn't notice Ogihci throw a Poké Ball at in their direction, which let an Electrode out. It blew up, sending Link-Ichigo, Mewtwo-Zangetsu, and an unfortunate Pichu, who had re-spawned a second before, flying off the screen, killing them.

The match ended a second later, showing Ogihci's red Link doing his victory pose, while Ichigo's Link and Pichu clapped politely. Zangetsu's Mewtwo just stood there sulking, tied with Ichigo for second place.

"The hell?" Ichigo asked to no one in particular, still confused as to what just happened.

"He... Won..." Zangetsu said, blinking at the screen.

"That's right! An' now I get ta choose the next theme!"

Ichigo and Zangetsu groaned. This wasn't going to be good.

_-Five Minutes of Customization Later-_

They were now playing a game with all of the explosives activated, along with Poison Mushrooms and Poké Balls. Everything else was disabled.

"Shit!" Ichigo exclaimed, trying to get his Link out of the Brinstar Stadium's rising acid. He had gotten hit by a Poison Mushroom as well, making him a mini-Link/Ichigo. Ogihci threw a Bob-omb at him, blowing him off the arena's edge.

While laughing and having his red Link taunt Ichigo, the hollow failed to notice Zangetsu's activation of a Poké Ball. A second later, Link/Ogihci was being bombarded by Unown. He landed on a Motion-Sensor Bomb that the sword had set out earlier, blowing _him_ out of the arena.

The match ended, announcing Mewtwo/Zangetsu as the winner.

_'Watashi wa naze koko ni iru no ka?'_

"Well, that takes care of that," he said turning to the two beside him, who were both checking their stats halfheartedly.

"My turn to choose."

* * *

><p><strong>Translations-<strong>

_'Watashi wa makeru wake niwa ikanai!'_ - I cannot lose!

_'Orokana.' _- Foolish.

_'Watashi wa naze koko ni iru no ka?'_ - Why am I here...?

* * *

><p><strong>AN- I freakin' love the Super Smash Bros series! Especially Melee. Playing with Mewtwo while beating the living crap out of characters... So fun.**

**Oh, and I still haven't gotten any guesses as to who Ozzy's owner is. DX I have a chapter for that written out already... Come on, you know you wanna guess who "Orihime's friend's friend" is. Hint: It's not Urahara, but it is someone she might've met through him. (Sorta...) **

**Review! For little Pichu's sake. Poor thing's still getting KO'ed...**


	8. On a Valentine's Day!

**A/N- Even though I hate Valentine's Day, I decided to write this. The Valentine's Day special! **

**Ogihci and Zangetsu have decided to spend their time trying to guess who Ichigo's Valentine will be, and have come up with a few weird ideas, just so you know.**

**AH! It's the disclaimer! Run and hide! I don't own Bleach!**

* * *

><p>While a group of teenage girls squealed in delight, Ichigo looked at the store's display in horror. A giant, red, paper-mâché heart. Great. Just what Karakura town needed.<p>

The girls noticed him staring at the heart and started giggling, mistaking his horrified expression for an overwhelmed one. One of the girls, the tallest one in the group, plucked a red rose and a large box of chocolates off the display and handed them to him.

"I'd get these for her," the brunet said while Ichigo attempted to refuse them. "Don't worry. I'm sure she'll _love_ them." This made her friends to start giggling again, giving each other knowing glaces.

He was oblivious until a shorter preteen stepped forward, pointed towards the 'Planned Parenthood' section, and said, "You might want to pick something up from over there too, mister." She then hid behind the taller girl, red with embarrassment.

Ichigo, realizing what the girls were implying, quickly dumped the Valentines back onto the display and walked off, turning red himself and exiting the store.

All the while, the tall brunet was running after him, shouting, "But that stuffs important! Wait mister!"

'Aw, but King~ You could have scored it with that orange-haired chick...' Ogihci whined from within his head.

'Stop talking about Orihime that way.'

'But she's totally into ya!'

A garbage truck rolled by as he said this, blocking out the last half of the hollow's sentence.

'Sorry, what?'

'You really are oblivious, you know that, Ichigo?'

'Zangetsu! You're on his side now?'

Before the sword could reply, Ogihci piped up again. 'Ya know, you could just shack up with that rabbit-obsessed midget chick that lives in your closet... I wouldn't mind.' Ichigo could practically see his hollow's psychotic grin spread even further.

'No.'

'That tomboy you hang out with a lot?'

'Uh, no.'

'What about the cat lady?'

'Yoruichi? No!'

'The drunk with the huge jugs?'

'NO!'

'Ogihci, obviously he isn't interested in any of those women.'

'Oh... _Oh_. Um, King?'

'What?'

'You aren't gay, are you?'

'Where the hell'd that come from?'

'It's a valid question, Ichigo.'

'I'm not gay!'

'What about the pineapple guy?'

'Renji? No!'

'That blue kitty dude?'

'What? No! Even if I was gay, I wouldn't be with Grimmjow! What's wrong with you?'

'You sure?'

'He does seem to enjoy fighting with you a little too much...'

'Yes I'm sure! And if I'm gay, that makes you gay to, Ogihci!'

'Ha! he just admitted it! Pay up, Zanny!'

'What? I did not!'

'Fine. Here.'

'Yay! Candy!'

'For the love of Kami... Zangetsu, you _do_ remember what happened last time, don't you?'

'Yes. Don't worry- It's sugar-free.'

'What'd you say, Zanny?' Ogihci questioned, his voice slightly muffled by the chewy candy he was shoving into his mouth.

'Nothing... So you're sure you're not gay?'

'Zangetsu!'

...

_-Elsewhere-_

"So, Orihime. What're you doing for Valentine's Day?"

Looking up at her friend, Orihime swallowed the apple wedge she had been chewing. "I don't know..."

"Hime-chan's all mine tomorrow!" Chizuru squealed, hugging Orihime and her two 'friends' from behind. "And no one's going to keep us apart!"

Tatsuki punched Chizuru's face, giving her a bloody nose, although that might not have been the only thing that caused it. "Back off! Even after all this time you still act like a dog in heat!"

"All... In the name of love..." she mumbled from her position on the ground, still focused on Orihime's 'friends'.

Tatsuki sighed, then turned to Rukia. "So, are you planning anything?"

"Well, I'm giving people Valentines if that's what you mean," the short black-haired girl replied, picking up a strawberry from the bowl and biting into it.

"Ooh, a strawberry." Tatsuki grinned. "What about Ichigo? You giving him anything... Special?"

"What do you mean?" Rukia asked, dumbfounded.

"You know," Tatsuki answered, giving her a wink.

"Tatsuki!" Orihime cried, shocked at what her friend was implying, turning red at the thought.

"What?" Rukia asked, still confused until she looked at Orihime, who was hiding her tomato-red face behind her hands. Her eyes widened in realization. "Oh, no no no no. Me and Ichigo- We aren't in _that_ kind of relationship. Don't worry, Orihime."

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say," the tomboyish girl said. "So are you going to be giving anyone Valentines, Orihime?"

"Yep! I've still got to make them, though. Let's see... Kurosaki-kun, Uryu..." She trailed off. "Oh, and I've got to give him one to!"

Gathering her things, she stood and began to leave. "Sorry. I've got to get some things before the stores close. Bye Rukia! Tatsuki, Chizuru!" she said before running out of the room.

"Wonder who the other Valentine is for?" Tatsuki wondered aloud.

"Hime-chan! Wait up!" Chizuru cried, running after her Valentine, he possible broken, bleeding nose forgotten.

...

"Then Hat-and-Clogs!"

"NO!"

Zangetsu sighed. He was standing on his emo pole, while Ichigo chased Ogihci around, trying to slice him with his sword. The hollow was laughing his head off, trying to guess who Ichigo's Valentine would be.

"That nerd?"

"HELL NO!"

"No? What about the midget captain?"

"I'm not gay! You've been reading too many pervy manga volumes!"

"My manga books aren't pervy!" *****

"Yes they are, Ogihci. Now, can you guys stop trying to kill each other?"

"Ooh, I know. That pirate guy!"

"Kenpachi? No!"

Ichigo abandoned his weapon, tackling his hollow and trying to pin him down. Ogihci was putting up a good fight, and managed to flip Ichigo off himself and onto his stomach. The albino sat on his back so he couldn't get up.

Zangetsu, looking at the two wrestling in front of him, gave a small smile before turning away. "Maybe you two should be each others Valentines..."

"NO!" they shouted in unison.

"What would that be called, anyways? Incest? Ma-"

"Zanny, if you value your manhood, don't finish that sentence."

"Fine."

The two twin-like boys resumed fighting, leaving Zangetsu to be his emo-y self.

...

"There! Finished!"

Orihime sat back to look over her handiwork.

"Perfect! I'm sure they'll love them." She looked to the Valentine sitting off to the side and picked it up. "I hope he likes his..."

The clock on the wall chimed. She looked up. "It's that late? Bedtime..."

...

Ichigo had returned to his material body a short while ago and was now lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Ogihci was still trying to guess who he liked, his guesses becoming more and more absurd. They now sounded like the crack-pairings from fanfics.

How to spend Valentine's Day...

'The bald guy!'

'SHUT UP!'

Ichigo took in a deep breath, deciding that sleep would be the best option. At least then his idiotic hollow wouldn't bother him.

...

_-The Next Day (Valentine's Day)-_

As soon as Ichigo arrived in his classroom, he found several Valentines sitting on his desk. Looking at the gifts, he saw that all but one were from his friends. Rukia, Tatsuki, Orihime... Then one said 'From the Person You Don't Expect'. That one was shaped like a strawberry, and the handwritting was messy, more like a guys than a girls. The ink was red, and looked like... Blood. Smelt like it, too. Grimacing, he set it back down.

'Who's that from, King?' Ogihci said in a teasing voice.

'I don't know. Now be quiet.'

"ICHIGOOOOO!" Keigo came bounding into the room, only to be clothes-lined by the orange-haired teen.

"Morning, Keigo."

Looking around, he saw that the rest of his classmates were exchanging cards and chatting. His friends were off to the side, talking.

He walked up to them. "Hey, thanks for the chocolate."

"No problem, Ichigo," Rukia said cheerfully. "I still don't really know what this holiday is about, though."

Ichigo sweat dropped. "That's... Nice."

"Hey, Orihime," Tatsuki said, cutting in. "Are you going to tell us who that other Valentine was for?"

"Um..." Orihime started, glancing nervously at Ichigo,who didn't seen to notice.

"Yeah, come on. Tell us, Orihime," Rukia said, grinning.

"It-It's not important now!" she said, turning a bit pink. "Don't worry about it!" she darted to the other side of the room before anyone could ask anymore questions.

"What's up with her, I wonder?" Ichigo said to no one on paticular.

'You really are oblivious, Ichigo,' Zangetsu said.

Ogihci giggled. 'Baka.'

'Oh shut up.'

...

_-In Las Noches-_

Ulquiorra entered the Espada meeting room, heading over to his usual seat and sitting. It was then that he noticed what was sitting on the table in front of him. Grimmjow, who had entered right after him, noticed it as well.

"What... Is this?" the Cuatro said, looking at the red box in his hands in confusion.

"Hey, Emo Boy got a Valentine!"

"Valentine?"

"Look it up later. I gave one to someone too..."

Ulquiorra flipped the Valentine over. "From the woman..."

Starrk walked in, on the verge of falling asleep again. He noticed the red, heart shaped box in Ulquiorra's hands and grinned. "Looks like someone's got an admirer."

Ulquiorra frowned, but kept the chocolates.

* * *

><p><strong>* - I forgot to mention this before, but the mangas that Ogihci has been reading in the earlier chapters have been either Yaoi, Yuri, or Het. Not sure what or which ones. You choose.<strong>

**A/N- Please don't hate me for putting that Ulquihime bit in there. I just had to. I think Ogihci and Zangetsu might've gotten one of the parings right on accident, if you caught that part.**

**The race to guess who Ozzy's owner is is still on! No more hints, but I will say that no one's guessed right yet, although some people were closer than others with their guesses... Still a long ways off, but getting closer.**

**Review!**


	9. Here We Go Again

**A/N- Ozzy's baaack~! **** I was thinking, and I realized that I really didn't describe his appearance that well before. So... Has anyone ever seen that show on Cartoon Network, **_**Generator Rex**_**? It's a pretty good sci-fy/action show. (I love Breach. Awesomely disturbed character.) Anyways, there's these EVO bunnies that show up in some if the episodes. Those things are kinda what I based Ozzy off of. Just imagine them a little less vicious looking, a little cuter, and with more Hollow features. If you haven't seen the show, Google it.**

**Disclaimer- Uh yeah. You know the drill. I don't own Bleach.**

* * *

><p>Orihime walked into her living room, humming to herself. She was planning on getting ice cream with Tatsuki later, and was daydreaming about all the delicious flavors and toppings she was going to devour.<p>

Heading over to the spacious cage sitting against the wall, she retrieved the rabbit food from a box lying nearby and opened the enclosure. After cleaning up after the rabbit and refilling the food and water containers, she peered into the small hideaway box in the cage's corner.

"Ozzy~! You want a carrot?" she sang, dangling the vegetable in the enclosure. She was still taking care of the bunny because her friend's friend's house was still being renovated; the renovators had underestimated the time the job would take. It didn't bother her, though. Ozzy was cute.

After a few seconds, she pulled the carrot out and gently tapped on the box. "Ozzy~. Are you in there?" Receiving no response, she gently picked the box up. Nothing was under it.

Frowning, she glanced around the cage, hoping that the bunny had been hiding in the corner or had sneaked over to his food bowl. Not seeing anything, she stood and began wandering around her apartment, calling Ozzy's name and looking under furniture.

_'He has to be around here somewhere...'_ Orihime thought while looking under her bed.

Going back to her living room, Orihime began to get worried. Ozzy wasn't _anywhere_, and considering the fact that he's a mutant hollow bunny, that wasn't good. He could really hurt someone running around outside.

A breeze gently ruffled her hair. _'That feels nice...'_ she thought closing her eyes. She snapped them open a second later, remembering that she was indoors. Whirling around, she caught sight of the open window.

Panicking, she ran to it, clinging to the hope that the albino was still lingering around outside.

Unfortunately, Ozzy had other plans.

...

Setting his bag on his desk, Ichigo sighed and collapsed onto his bed. It had been a long day at school, with Keigo bothering him every two seconds, Rukia trying to get him to talk to Keigo, and the five hollows that had decided to show up throughout the day. At least they didn't have homework for the weekend. He could just take it easy and-

'KING!'

He sighed. So much for relaxing. 'What?'

'I didn't do anything wrong!'

'Uh, okay. So?'

' _'So?'_ Why's this _thing_ in here again?'

'What're you talking about?'

Something that sounded like a mix between a screech and a roar suddenly sounded from within his mindscape, then some crashing sounds, which were followed by a yell of surprise.

'ZOMG! It just kidnapped Zanny! Get in here!'

'What-'

'KING!'

'Okay, okay.'

He dropped into his mindscape a second later. Looking around, he saw his hollow standing nearby on full alert with his sword unsheathed, looking at something on the side of the building.

"So what's going on?" Ichigo asked, seeing no sign of destruction.

Ogihci didn't answer, just pointed at what he was looking at. Upon closer inspection, the shinigami realized that the objects were scraps of cloth from Zangetsu's robe.

"Where's Zangetsu?"

"He took him!"

"Who?"

"That _thing_!"

"What thing?"

"The mutant hollow bunny!"

"Mutant hollow bunny... You mean Ozzy?"

"Yeah!"

"How'd he get in here?"

"I dunno! He took Zanny!"

"Uh, okay... Where?"

"Somewhere over there," Ogihci said, pointing to their left. "Oh, and the thing ate his emo pole _again_. How does he even do that?"

"I don't know. We'd better go get the old man before Ozzy decides to eat _him_, though."

_-Meanwhile-_

"Put me down!" Zangetsu yelled, trying to hit the giant bunny anywhere he could reach, which wasn't much. All the poor zanpakuto could manage was a couple of glancing blows to Ozzy's chest due to him being dangled from the bunny's overgrown teeth by the back of his robes while he ran to Kami-knows-where.

Finally, Ozzy came to a stop, throwing his victim a good distance away in the process. Zangetsu sat up and stared at Ozzy, who was sitting back on his haunches, glaring at the sword, looking like he was going to pounce.

Zangetsu started to back up, trying not to provoke the albino creature in front of him. Ozzy tilted his head slightly, observing the zanpakuto's movements with great interest. He then raised his ears and looked to his right, something putting him on alert.

The sword breathed a sigh of relief- It didn't look like he was going to be eaten after all.

Ozzy, however, had different ideas.

As if his life depended on it, he attacked Zangetsu, pouncing on his chest and pinning his arms down.

Before he could rip the sword's throat out, a Getsuga Tensho slammed into him, sending him flying.

"Zangetsu!"

"Zanny!"

"You okay?"

"Did it eat your pole whole?"

Both of the spirits gave the hollow odd looks.

"What?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"Is that all you care about?" Ichigo asked.

"Well, it ate it that one time so I just thought..."

"It ate my pole _again_?" the zanpakuto asked, crushed. "How?"

"I don't freakin' know, Zanny!"

"Uh, guys?" Ichigo said. "Incoming." Off to their right, Ozzy had risen, shook the dust out of his fur, and was now charging at them. More specifically, at Ichigo, since he was the one that fired the Getsuga Tensho.

"FREAKIN' RUN!" he shouted. The others complied happily.

After that... Well... Everything broke down in chaos.

Ogihci started chasing Ozzy, swinging his sword around, trying to kill him while simultaneously slicing up the building they were on. Zangetsu was standing off to the side in his mental emo corner, morning the loss of his pole (again). Ichigo had somehow ended up on Ozzy's back, holding on for dear life to avoid being killed by the rampaging bunny. Ogihci was trying as hard as he could to get him off his back, causing more damage than Ogihci was in the process.

"No! KING!" Ogihci wailed , noticing Ichigo's position for the first time, somehow missing him while chasing Ozzy. He then got the idea to try and spear the bunny with his sword.

During this, Zangetsu was just retreating further and further into his mental emo corner, thinking about how young his pole had been.

He lowered it and began running at him, aiming for the bunny's ribs. Ichigo saw him and shouted, "No you idiot! You'll hit _ME_!"

"You better not kill King! I still wanna give him hell!"

Ogihci hit Ozzy as he said this, his sword going clean through his ribs, missing Ichigo by mere centimeters. The hollow began cheering, glad that the Bunny from Hell was dead.

Ozzy just kept running.

"What..." he said, confused as to how his fellow albino was still moving when his giant, white cleaver was stabbed clear through his chest, the tip visible in the other side.

"Idiot! You went through his hollow hole!" Ichigo shouted while holding onto the rabbit's fur for dear life.

Looking closer, Ocihci saw that there was a perfectly round hole there, his sword wedged in it. The white fur just concealed it most of the time.

"Shit!" he yelled, trying to catch up with the psycho hollow. Seeing that he wasn't going to succeed on his own, the albino darted over to Zangetsu, hoping to pull him out from the confines of the mental emo corner.

"Zanny!" he shouted in the sword's face while shaking his shoulders. "Zanny! Come on! It's got King!"

Since it looked like the zanpakuto was on an emo-coma, Ogihci slapped him as hard as he could, knocking him off his feet.

Sitting there, Zangetsu just mumbled, "My pole... Poor Poley...", obviously not aware of what was going on around him. He was pulled to his feet by Ogihci, who began slapping him repeatedly, each slap following a word.

"Snap _Slap!_ Out _Slap!_ Of _Slap!_ It! _Slap!_"

Blinking and looking around, apparently having come to his senses, Zangetsu spotted Ichigo, who was _still_ on Ozzy, jumped up and went after him.

"Ichigo!"

Ozzy suddenly busted through one of the windows and entered one of the buildings, taking Ichigo with him. Crunching sounds were heard several seconds later.

"DON'T YOU DARE EAT MY CANDY!"

_-Two Hours Later-_

"..."

"...King, you gotta help us fix all of this."

"...I will... We have to get _him_ out of here first, and I've kinda got to explain this to Orihime..."

"Fine..."

All three were standing on the main building, beat-up, exhausted, and kind of in shock because of what Ozzy had done. The bunny in question was lying on the building a short distance away, passed out.

He had eaten half of Ogihci's candy, which had been moved and carefully boxed up, devastating the hollow. Zangetsu's sake stash was almost gone due to Ozzy getting thirsty.

"Is it even possible for a bunny to get drunk?" Zangetsu questioned, prodding Ozzy gently with his foot.

"Guess so." Ichigo said, picking the mutant bunny up. (He had reverted back to his regular form after loosing consciousness.) "I'm going now. Don't kill each other." He disappeared.

"..."

"...Ya still have to help us clean up, you know!" Ogihci called out to him right before he left.

He didn't respond.

* * *

><p><strong>AN- Well, _someone_ doesn't like Zangetsu... **

**Status of Ozzy's Owner's Identity- You guys are getting closer. Keep the guesses coming. :)**

**The chapter detailing that would have been posted shortly after this one, but I was reading through it last night and noticed that I somehow left a HUGE plot hole in it, and that threw the whole second half of the chapter off. DX I'm starting to rewrite it now and a lot of things are going to be changed and added. Might even make it span over two chapters... I will tell you guys this- a hell of a lot of characters are going to show up in it. *_coughShinigamicough*_ Gonna have LOTS of fun with this one. :)**

**Review!**


	10. The One Who Wasn't Afraid

**A/N- Okay, before I do anything else, I want to thank everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and put this story on alert. You guys are AWESOME! As a present, you finally get the answer to who owns Ozzy. I think I've kept you in the dark for long enough now. And you get to read about Ogihci's ruined innocence... X'D**

**Warnings- Language alert. Some of these guys have problems with that... Oh, and I have nothing against gays. It's just... Szayel and Chuhlhourne leave us with some reason for doubt. And a**s I said before, there _will_ be some OOC-ness, mostly because everyone isn't trying to kill each other. Hey, there's a mutant hollow bunny on the loose. No time for murder! (Well, maybe a little bit, but that's beside the point)****

**Disclaimer- Do I really need to say this? I do NOT own Bleach. (or ANY other copyrighted material)**

_**Continued on from the last chapter...**_

* * *

><p>"Ozzy! Ozzy!"<p>

Orihime was running through Karakura town, searching for the escaped psycho-bunny. It had been over an hour since he had escaped, so she was in a state of panic. She could only hope that he hadn't hurt anyone yet.

Panicking, she noticed a familiar nerd coming out of the town's library, a book tucked under his arm. She ran up to him, grabbing his shoulder.

"Uryu!"

"Huh? Oh, Orihime," he said, greeting her while pushing his glasses up in that geeky way that hid his face. Then he noticed how out of breath she was. "Are you okay?"

"Yes... I'm fine. Hey, Uryu? You haven't seen Ozzy anywhere, have you?"

"What? You _lost_ him?"

"Um... He escaped?" Orihime replied, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly.

"What do you mean, _'He escaped'_?"

"I don't know how! Can you help me find him?"

"Well, I kinda have to."

So they went off to look for him, asking around to see if anyone had seen him. Tatsuki had the same reaction as Uryu, but with more screaming. Isshin didn't seem to know what they were talking about. Urahara hid behind his fan, said he hadn't seen Ozzy, then returned to his lollipop.

They were about to give up when the sounds of someone running up behind them, as well as a familiar voice shouting, caught their attention.

"Orihime!"

"Kurosaki-kun?"

They both turned to find the orange-haired shinigami stopping in front of them, panting, with a small, white ball of fluff in his arms, fast asleep.

Orihime gasped. "Where'd you find him?" she asked, taking Ozzy from Ichigo.

"Erm..." Ichigo paused for a minute, trying to find a way to explain the mutant bunny's earlier whereabouts. He gave up with a sigh. "Uh... It doesn't matter. But Orihime- for the love of all that's hollowfied- _keep track of him_!"

He turned around and began walking towards his home.

"Wait Kurosaki-kun! Where are you going?"

He looked over his shoulder at her with tired eyes. "...I promised my zanpakuto and hollow that I'd help clean up," Ichigo explained before flash-stepping away, leaving a confused Orihime and Uryu behind.

"...His zanpakuto?" the Quincy questioned.

"Um... Did he say 'hollow'?"

"Sounded like it..."

Uryu looked down at Ozzy, who was sleeping soundly in Orihime's arms. _'What has he been up to?'_

...

"Ogihci!"

"Ha! Take it like a man, King!"

"You guys are just making a bigger mess for us to pick up by doing that. Now stop it."

The plan of cleaning up Ichigo's inner world was failing miserably, Ogihci having found something to play with in the short amount of time that Ichigo had been gone. The shinigami was now dodging multicolored, water-filled balloons being chucked at him by a slightly sugar-high hollow. Zangetsu was busy trying to dodge misfired balloons while simultaneously filling up holes in the buildings with cement.

Ducking to avoid a wayward yellow balloon, the sword's face was immediately assaulted by a red one. Standing and wiping the water out of his eyes, he sighed and went off to retrieve something. Returning, he set his boombox down, made a selection, and put it on full blast.

Techno-type music began playing, which didn't seem to faze them. Then the lyrics started.

_"Slash, gash, terror whore_

_I like you better on the floor"_

Ichigo and Ogihci froze, both having WTF expressions on their faces.

"Um... Zanny?" What _is_ that?"

Zangetsu didn't answer.

_"On the bed, give me head_

_Make you scream, 'Candy Cream!' "_

"Seriously Zangetsu. What is that and why are you listening to it?" Ichigo asked.

He didn't answer for a few more seconds, allowing them to become even more freaked out.

_"Let's rock our bodies in time and to the beat_

_And you can feel it as we turn up the heat_

_I need to feel myself inside you so deep~"_

"Blood On the Dance Floor," he said.

"Uh, okay... What song?" Ichigo asked.

"Blood On the Dance Floor."

"I get that. What song?"

"Ichigo, it's _Blood On the Dance Floor _by Blood On the Dance Floor," Zangetsu said, turning off his boombox.

"Oh."

"Now, can you guys go back to fixing things now?"

Ichigo nodded. Ogihci froze, then raised a water balloon to throw it.

"Ogihci, throw it and I will tie you down and force you to watch _Two Girls, One Cup_."

The albino's eyes widened in fear. "No Zanny... Not again," he whispered, dropping the balloons.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow but continued picking up pieces of rubble and putting them into the piles, remaining silent.

After a few minutes of filling in craters, cleaning up debris, and replacing window panes, Ogihci began to get restless. About five minutes later, he began to ask stupid questions like he always did when he got bored.

"King~. Why's the sky blue?"

Ichigo sighed. "Because of refraction," he answered. Ogihci had asked these questions countless other times, and he was tired of explaining stuff to him. He usually knew the answers anyways.

"How come the buildings are sideways?"

"Because they are."

"Well, why are _they_ blue?"

"Because."

" 'Because' why?"

"I don't know! Just 'cause!"

"..."

The hollow stopped asking random questions after that. Zangetsu breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe this day wouldn't be that bad after all...

"King, where do babies come from?"

Dammit.

Ichigo froze. "Okay, I _know_ you know the answer to that one."

"No I don't! Really, where do they come from?"

"You know what? I could actually understand it if you didn't know the answers to those other questions... But you've _got_ to know what _that_ answer is."

"But I don't!"

He turned to Zangetsu for help, but he just said, "I don't know, Ichigo. He doesn't seem to be lying this time."

"_How_?" he demanded. "You read so many pervy manga, so _how_?"

"My manga books aren't pervy!"

Zangetsu pulled a book from nowhere and began to flip through it with a raised eyebrow. "...Yes they are. Now, if only I can find a page to help explain this to you..."

"Uh, Zangetsu? I don't think hentai is the best thing to help with Sex Ed..." Ichigo said, but was ignored by the sword.

"Hey! Give it!" Ogihci tried to grab the book from the sword, running around in a childish manner and jumping. Zangetsu just kept turning and held it out of his reach.

"Zanny!"

"Found one."

Ichigo walked over and took a look at the page, blushing profusely. After a few seconds, he turned to his hollow. "Uh, Ogihci, you wanted to know where babies, uh, come from, right?"

"Yeah."

"Sit down over here."

They sat in a circle on the building, away from the rubble and glass shards. Ichigo was having _major_ flashbacks of the time his dad gave him "The Talk". One word- _Horrible_. It didn't help that his dad had borrowed Yuzu's Barbie and Ken dolls and used them to do a demonstration, mentally scarring him in the process.

Zangetsu just sat there awkwardly, adverting his eyes from the manga and adjusting his sunglasses, Ichigo fiddled with his sandle straps nervously, and Ogihci just sat there expectantly.

"Err... Well, see that?" Ichigo asked, pointing at the page of the manga that Zangetsu was holding. (which, due to this fic being rated T, cannot be described in detail)

Ogihci nodded. "Yeah. So?" he said, completely unfazed by the images.

"Um... Well..." he turned red with embarrassment and was unable to finish his sentence.

Zangetsu sighed, then tapped a finger on one of the panels. "This," he said, moving his finger from one panel to the next. "Equals babies, under certain circumstances."

Ichigo sweat-dropped.

Ogihci just sat there, blinking.

"Now do you understand?" the sword asked, satisfied that he had found an easy answer for that age-old question.

"Uh... No?"

Ichigo, fed up with his hollow's questions, then blurted out, "What don't you understand about that? Sex makes babies, okay?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"SEX MAKES BABIES!"

"You've got to be freakin' kidding me..."

...

_-The World of The Living-_

Uryu had gone back to Orihime's house to make sure that Ozzy didn't escape again, which really wasn't necessary; he was still sleeping off all of the sake he had drunk from Zangetsu's stash, not that either of them were aware of that.

When they arrived, Orihime decided that she wanted to cook something, much to Uryu's dismay. Since Ozzy appeared to be sleeping soundly, she just set him down on the couch where he would be comfortable.

After deciding that the albino was safe, she went into the kitchen, which turned into a disaster area soon afterwords. While the teen stirred something that was turning a vivid blue color, Uryu ran around trying to prevent the spread of the many small kitchen fires that were popping up everywhere. Orihime didn't seem to notice these, as she just continued pouring odd ingredients into her pot, which was beginning to smoke.

"Uh, Orihime... Maybe you should stop that for a little while..." Uryu said, putting out a small fire that had somehow started in the sink.

"Don't worry! It's fi- Wah!" Her cheery tone changed to a panicked yell as her pot suddenly burst into flames, giving off a lot of smoke, along with an acidic smell.

"Woah!" Uryu exclaimed, backing up towards the sink, trying to remember what to do with a stove fire. Orihime began panicking. The smoke alarm began going off.

Basically, Orihime's kitchen was in chaos.

"Orihime! Where's the lid to that pot?" the Quincy asked her, remembering to smother fire.

"It-it doesn't have one!" she replied in a panicked tone.

"Crap!"

The fire only got bigger in that time. Orihime, seeing this, tried to fill a bowl up with water.

"No! Don't put water on it!"

"Its a fire! What else am I supposed to use?"

"You don't put water on a stove fire! Where's your baking soda?" he asked, flinging open one of the cabinets.

"I don't have any!"

Uryu was about to turn around, drag Orihime out of her apartment, and call the fire department when a cry of, "Growl, Haineko!" came from behind them, a cloud of ash appearing and smothering the fire.

Orihime spun around and squealed. "Rangiku! Tōshirō!" She ran up and hugged her big breasted friend, who returned the act of kindness joyfully. Tōshirō looked on from his perch on the windowsill.

"What were you trying to do? Burn down your apartment?" he asked, looking at the kitchen, which was covered with burn marks.

"Um, no. I was trying to make-" Orihime started, looking at her kitchen in despair.

"Curry?" Rangiku guessed.

"Yes! It caught on fire though..."

"Don't worry! We can just make another batch! With eggplant!"

"Ooh, and peanut butter! Come on, let's do it!"

"Curry with eggplant and peanut butter?" Uryu said weakly.

"..."

"Uh, so anyways," Uryu turned to the small captain. "Why are you guys here?"

"Special assignment from Soutaichou Genryūsai Yamamoto."

"Ah."

He was about to say more when a thump sounded from Orihime's living room. Walking in with Tōshriō in tow, he quickly spotted Ozzy, who had apparently rolled off the couch and onto the floor. He was now looking around groggily.

"Hey, Orihime? Ozzy's up."

"Be there in a second!"

"I thought he was supposed to go back last week..." Tōshirō said, looking at the dazed albino in front of him. "Why is he still here?" At the sound of his voice, Ozzy's head shot up and he began staring back at him.

"Apparently the repairs are taking longer than they thought they would. They should be done sometime this week, though. And anyways- I think Orihime enjoys his company."

The cheery girl in question entered the room soon after, preventing Tōshirō from saying anything else. "Ozzy~! Are you hungry?" she sang out, gently picking him up.

Ozzy began growling and kicking his hind legs.

Startled by his behavior, she put him back down on the floor before he could bite her, taking a step back. He just sat back on his haunches and glared at Tōshirō.

"Um... Okay... Ozzy? Do you, uh, want a carrot? I know you love them," she said nervously, walking to her fridge. Ozzy had never acted like that (at least not to her), and she was freaking out.

Tōshirō took a step back from the mutant bunny, who in turn hopped towards him.

"Orihime?" Rangiku called, the uneasiness clear in her voice. "Can you hurry with that carrot? Ozzy doesn't seem to like Taichou..."

"I-I'm trying!" she called back, rummaging through her fridge. _'Where _did_ I put those carrots?'_

Suddenly, an awful thought came to her, causing her to freeze. Turning around slowly, she was met with the worst sight possible in this situation.

She had left the carrots out.

On the counter.

In the sun.

And they had dried up.

She went back into the living room, where Ozzy had a certain white-haired shinigami pressed up against the wall.

Tōshirō noticed that she was empty handed and asked, "Where's the carrot?"

"Um... They went bad?" she replied, looking down.

"They WHAT?"

Ozzy looked up at Orihime, somehow appearing pissed even with all of his cuteness.

"He can't understand what you're saying, right?" Uryu asked her.

"I don't know..."

Ozzy then chose to puff up and live up to all of his mutant hollow bunny glory. Which caused everyone (Tōshirō included) to scream and run.

"AHHH!"

...

_-Hueco Mundo-_

"Um... Ulquiorra-sama, sir? The repairs in the East Wing are complete."

Turning to the small Arrancar who was serving as a messenger, Ulquiorra glared at his nervous form coldly.

"I do not see how this information is relevant to me. My quarters are not in the East Wing, so inform those who's are instead."

He turned back to the security monitors he had been watching, where Nnoitra appeared to be terrorizing one of the Números. She was currently trying to prevent him from groping her chest and/or anywhere else.

"I-I al-already did, sir," he stammered, his entire body shaking.

"Then continue on with your duties elsewhere."

"Ye-Yes sir."

The nameless Arrancar attempted to exit the room in an orderly fashion, but ended up practically sprinting for the door. Unfortunately for him, he bumped into someone before he could make it out. Falling back, he looked up and was met with a very unsettling sight.

"Oh? Who's this? 'Ello little one. Goin' somewhere?" Gin asked, leaning in towards the fallen Arrancar, who started freaking out. Who wouldn't if a six-foot tall, silver-haired, pedophile-type guy was looming over them?

"Ichimaru, Aizen-sama has banned you from harassing any of our personnel," Ulquiorra deadpanned, still focused on the security monitors.

"But Ulqui..."

"No buts," he said in such a serious manner that it was almost funny. "Now if you aren't busy with anything else, I believe we have a problem." He motioned at the monitor from before, where it appeared that Nnoitra's perverted nature had gotten the best of him. The Números that he had earlier been trying to grope was now on the ground, trying to beat the Spoonspada off of her while he was trying to, erm, have some fun.

"Oh dear..." Gin tilted his head and lost his usual pedo-smile as he took in the scene playing out in the West Wing. "Well, we can't have any o' our team hurt, can we? I'll go stop him in a minute. But first..." He reached into his pocket, retrieving several small objects. "Candy?" he asked, offering them to the two Arrancar in the room with him.

"Ichimaru," Ulquiorra warned.

"Aww... Yer no fun. Oh well. See ya, Ulqui-la-la!" Gin said cheerfully, waving before flash-stepping away to go prevent Nnoitra from causing any further harm.

Ulquiorra glanced back at the monitors for a second, seeing Gin escorting the Números away and scolding Nnoitra. He then shifted his gaze to the small messenger, who was still on the floor. "Do not take anything from him," he warned. "Ever."

He nodded before scampering out of the room.

The Cuatro once more returned his eyes to the monitors, specifically, the ones showing the East Wing. It being fixed meant that _he_ could return.

Time to make a call.

...

"For the love of... Now I know why Ichigo was so anxious to get rid of him. That thing's a monster!"

Orihime, Uryu, Rangiku, and Tōshirō had fled the apartment. Ozzy, throwing an apparent temper tantrum, had chased them around for at _least_ half an hour before they finally managed to lose him.

"I-I've never seen Ozzy act like that..." Orihime said, leaning against a building, trying to regain her breath.

"Why... Why was he trying to eat Hyōrinmaru?" Tōshirō asked, clutching his zanpakuto to his chest, still protecting it from Ozzy's fangs.

"I don't know but... we need to... catch him before... he hurts someone," Uryu managed to get out, pausing for breath in between phrases.

"Yes... Renji, Rukia, and Chad can help-" The rest of the short captain's sentence was cut off by him being hit and almost smothered by Rangiku's gigantic breasts.

"Taichou~! I _-hic-_ don't want to chase _-hic-_ Ozzy around~!" she whined, taking a swig from the bottle she was grasping while still clutching her captain to her massive chest.

Tōshirō just barely managed to escape from her deathgrip and fell to the floor, not that she noticed. "Ma- Matsumoto..." he growled.

"How the _heck_ is she already drunk?" Uryu asked, staring at the woman currently staggering around the alley singing what sounded like a variation of _The Beer Song_.

"That's Matsumoto for you..." Tōshirō said, watching his lieutenant to make sure she didn't hurt herself.

"Um... Where did Rangiku get sake?" Orihime questioned while leading her drunken friend back into the alley so she didn't wander into the street.

"Who knows?"

"Tō-Tōshirō? Rangiku? What are you guys doing here?" Ichigo, who had been responding to a Hollow Alert, had noticed the group's panicked spiritual pressure and followed it to the alley, where he was now standing with a confused look on his face.

"Hitsugaya-Taichou..." Tōshirō reminded him. He didn't acknowledge it.

"Oh! Kurosaki-kun! Well... You see..."

"Uh... Ozzy... Kind of escaped," Uryu finished for her.

"He WHAT? How? Why'd you let him- AH!" His questioning was cut short by Rangiku glomping him and nearly smothering someone for the second time that day.

"Ichigo~!"

"G-get off! C-can't... Can't br-breath..." he said, thought it sounded more like this to the people around him- "Mmm! Mmnph Mnnnph!"

While Uryu and Orihime rushed in to pull her off Ichigo, Tōshirō simply remarked, "You know, that's the same thing she did to me..."

Later, after the group had returned to Orihime's apartment and laid the passed-out Rangiku down on the couch, they sat down to talk. Rukia, Renji, and Chad had shown up soon after; Chad mostly because of how cute Ozzy was in his normal form. He had never witnessed the mutant bunny's rage himself, so he figured everyone was just over exaggerating things.

"We really need to catch that thing..."

"He has a name... Can you use it, Hitsugaya-kun?"

"Hitsugaya-Taichou... And he's just another hollow now."

"Hmm..."

"He likes carrots, right? We could set a trap."

"Uryu, he's a raging mess right now. I don't think carrots are going to cut it."

"Hmm..."

"Chad? Do you have an idea?"

"...Is he as cute as Orihime says?"

"When he's not raging, yes, but that's beside the point."

'Ichigo, don't put _him_ back in here...' Zangetsu called from Ichigo's mindscape.

'I won't.'

'King! I know how you can catch him.'

'I know I'm going to regret asking this, but... How?'

'Rocket launcher.'

Ichigo actually groaned out loud when he heard his hollow say that.

"What's wrong, Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime asked, starting to worry.

"My hollow... He wants me to blow Ozzy up with a rocket launcher..."

"Uh, okay. Can anyone say 'Random'?" Renji said, raising a tattooed eyebrow.

"...Random..." Rangiku mumbled, half asleep on the couch.

"Well, don't listen to him," Tōshirō told Ichigo, who was still arguing with his hollow. He continued to ignore his lieutenant, who was now half on and half off the couch.

"Ichigo, your hollow is insane," Rukia declared, crossing her arms.

"You think I don't know that?"

Just then, a cell phone began to going off. Orihime plucked the phone from her pocket and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Halloween?" Ichigo questioned, finding the movie theme to be an odd ringtone choice for his joy-filled friend. She shushed him.

"Uh-huh... Really?... That's great!"

"What's great?" Renji asked her.

Putting her hand over the receiver, Orihime said in a hushed tone, "Ozzy can go home today! ...Oh., yes, I'm still here..."

"Uh, Orihime? That would have been good news about an hour ago, but Ozzy's kinda on the run right now..." Ichigo reminded her, shifting in his seat uncomfortably.

She froze up. "Um, five o'clock?" She glanced at the clock on the wall. Four o'clock. "Isn't that a bit early? ...Oh, no, nothing's wrong. It's just... I'm not lying! Really!"

"Orihime, you're talking to an Arrancar on your phone. Who can fire ceros. Maybe you should tell the truth."

"Wait, she's talking to an Arrancar?" Tōshirō asked, his eyes narrowing.

"They have phones in Hueco Mundo?" Renji asked.

"Apparently so..." Rukia answered.

Orihime shushed them again. "Um, well, actually... I'm getting there! ...Okay, well you see...Ozzy escaped then Kurosaki-kun found him and brought him back and then the carrots dried up and he attacked us and then escaped again and now he's lost please don't be mad!" she said without taking a breath.

There was a long period of silence where not even the talkative people in the room made a sound. And then...

"HE WHAT?"

"Please don't be mad!"

"Wow..." Ichigo breathed. Whoever was on the other end of that line must have, like, exploded if his voice to be so loud on this end when the phone wasn't even on speaker.

"We'll get him back! I promise! ...No, you don't need to come here... Yes, we can handle it... Um, okay, bye."

She closed her phone and turned to the group. "Okay! We have until six to find Ozzy."

"Good. Now we just have to figure out _how_..."

"Orihime," Uryu began. "You said, 'We have until six'... What happens after that?"

She looked at him. "...I don't know. He didn't say..."

...

_-Hueco Mundo-_

_Everyone_ heard the shout. _Everyone_. Harribel heard it from her quarters. Szayel heard it from his lab. Tōsen heard it while giving Wonderwiess a bath. Aizen nearly spilled his tea when he heard it. Heck, even the poor Números Grimmjow had been beating up heard it.

And they all had the same reaction.

"...Ulquiorra?"

Meanwhile, the Cuatro was deep in thought. That thing that they had decided to name 'Ozzy', loose in the World of the Living? That could be disastrous. Not that he really cared about the weak souls there, but... His owner wouldn't be happy if he was killed.

"Damn, that was _you_ that shouted?"

Ulquiorra turned to find Grimmjow leaning on the door frame of the security room.

"What do you want, _Grimmjow_?" he asked calmly.

"Will you stop sayin' my name like that?"

"I believe I am pronouncing it right."

"No, it's the way ya say it! _Grimmjow_..." the Sexta said, mimicking Ulquiorra's monotone voice the best he could. "It's like your freakin' in love with me!"

"I do not pronounce it any different than other names."

"Yes you do!"

"No, I do not."

"Fine. Say Szayel's name."

"I am not going to play your games, _Grimmjow_."

"There! See, you did it again! Say. Szayel's. Name."

"If it will make you leave me alone, then fine. Szayel Aporro Granz."

"Okay, now say mine."

"..."

"Say it."

"..._Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez_."

"See! You say it weird!"

"That's because your name sounds French, _Grimmjow_," Harribel said, entering the room.

"It does not!"

"I'll be taking over now," she told Ulquiorra, ignoring Grimmjow, who was saying his name repeatedly, trying to determine if it was French.

"You're on security duty now?" he asked Harribel, who nodded.

"Aizen is switching up our duties for some reason..."

Ulquiorra nodded in reply and began to head out the door.

"Hey," Grimmjow called out to him. "Are ya going to the World of The Living? You know, to get that... _Thing_?"

"At six. He escaped. If the woman cannot retrieve him by then, then we will have to go."

...

_-Ichigo's Mindscape-_

"Zanny? ...Zanny~! Where are you?"

Ogihci was walking through the skyscrapers, trying to find Zangetsu, who had disappeared after Ozzy had gone ballistic in the real world. From what the hollow could gather, the sword was afraid that Ozzy would drink the rest of his sake, so he was guarding it. The only problem was, Ogihci had no clue where Zangetsu's stash was now. He had moved it.

"Zanny!"

The sound of breaking glass filtered through soon after that.

Ogihci tried to peer into one of the rooms through one of the windows, but couldn't see anything. Like something was blocking it...

So he found the entrance to the building and entered, quickly locating Zangetsu.

He just stood there for a second, taking in his surroundings. And then he took in the sword's appearance. He stood there for a few minutes, shocked.

Zangetsu was sitting in the center of the room, sipping from a bottle. He was surrounded by dozens and dozens of boxes with labels such as _'sake'_, _'whiskey'_, and Ogihci's personal favorite, which the sword had undoubtedly labeled while drunk, _'Who Gives a Fuck as Long as it Gets Me Drunk'_. He also had his pole, which had somehow become dislodged in the short time that Ogihci had lost track of him, clutched protectively to his chest. To complete his "I'm Drunk as Hell!" look, the old man was wearing a large, pink, floppy hat on his head.

"Err, Zanny?"

The sword slowly turned his head to look at him. "Clowns..." he mumbled, shivering.

"What? No, there aren't any clowns," Ogihci said, stepping towards Zangetsu. "How many drinks have you had, Zanny?"

"...Clowns... No! You won't steal my soul!" Zangetsu yelled at the hollow, waving his emo pole and a now broken bottle at him.

"Woah. Calm down. There are no clowns, and I'm not going to steal your soul."

"No! Stay away!"

Ogihci sighed. Since when was he the mature one?

Walking up to the window, he found it to be covered with tinfoil.

"Uh... Zanny? Why's this here?" he asked, tugging at the material.

"To block out the alien tractor beams."

"Ah..."

Tearing away the tinfoil despite Zangetsu's protests and opening the window, Ogihci leaned out and shouted as loud as he could.

...

**5:02 pm**

"Damn... How can a giant mutant hollow bunny hide so well in this town?"

"Well, he could've returned to his cute form."

"No, Orihime. He's still raging. Can't you feel his spiritual pressure?"

"Um... Oh Yeah! Uryu, can't you track him by that?"

"No. I don't know what it is, but while you can sense his spiritual pressure, you can't trace it. It's odd..."

"We should just stop and rest here. Orihime looks like she's about to pass out."

"Tōshirō's right. Why are you running with us again, Orihime?"

"Guy's, don't worry about me! I'm..."

"Orihime!"

"Great. She passed out."

The group had been running around Karakura town for about an hour searching for Ozzy. Chad had stayed back at Orihime's house to keep watch on Rangiku and to make sure Ozzy didn't come back while they were gone. Orihime had decided to tag along for some reason, though.

While they stopped and rested near a park, Rukia and Uryu tried to wake Orihime up while Ichigo, Tōshirō, and Renji talked about what to do about the current situation.

"Maybe he would be attracted to a high amount of spiritual pressure... Other hollows are," Tōshirō said after a moment of thought.

"What about Uryu's hollow bait? That could work..." Ichigo suggested.

"Okay, one- I'm never going to use that around you again. Not after last time. Two- I'm not sure if that would work on him, and we don't need to deal with a swarm of hollows right now."

"Well, what other things does he like?" Renji asked Ichigo, since Orihime was still passed out on the ground.

"Let's see... Carrots, that rabbit food, those weird toys he has... Uh, and I think he likes candy and sake too..."

"Wait, candy and sake? Where'd he get those?" Tōshirō questioned.

"Uh, well when he disappeared last time, he somehow ended up in my inner world... My hollow and zanpakuto- they like candy and sake. So they both have stashes. And Ozzy... Kinda got into those stashes? That's why he was passed out..." Ichigo explained. "Well anyways, I'm pretty sure he likes those things. And Zangetsu's emo pole..."

"Emo pole?"

"He just stands on it all day acting all emo, so yeah."

"Ichigo, your mind's screwed up," Renji commented.

"I know. Oh, and Ozzy _really_ doesn't like Zangetsu, if it help any."

"He doesn't like your zanpakuto? That might be useful..."

Ichigo didn't hear the rest of Tōshirō's sentence. Ogihci's yelling was _much_ to loud.

'KING! GET IN HERE! ZANNY'S DRUNK AND COMPLETELY INSANE!'

He sighed. "Look, apparently my zanpakuto is completely wasted right now, so I have to go deal with that now..." he told them before entering him mindscape, leaving his unconscious body behind.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Kurosaki-kun's zanpakuto is drunk?"

"Oh good, Orihime. You're awake."

"Oh, Rukia! I'm so sorry I passed out..."

"It's not your fault. Just go back home and help Chad, okay?"

"Um, okay." With that, she ran off in the direction of her house.

Everyone stayed silent, watching her go. Then Ichigo came back.

"Okay, problem solved. Ogihci's trying to sober him up now."

"You're... Letting your hollow sober him up?"

"Yeah. He's too afraid I'll take away his candy stash away if he hurts him." Ichigo paused as if he was listening to someone.

The group shared a glance before continuing on.

"Well, we could try the spiritual pressure method Hitsugaya pointed out," Uryu said.

"No, you can't make him watch _Two Girls, One Cup_... Just because he did doesn't mean you should. And it's not going to help him sober up!"

"Who're you talking to?" Renji asked him.

"Ogihci... He's trying to torture Zangetsu."

"Uh..."

"Well, it's not my fault he's insane... Yes you are... Do you want me to come in there?... You aren't supposed to say yes!... I don't care if you're bored. Just sober Zangetsu up!... No! That should NOT involve hitting him with a guitar! Especially a death-metal one!"

"A guitar?"

"Really, don't ask."

"...Well, now we've got to figure out how we're- WAH!"

As Uryu was talking, no one noticed the giant psycho-bunny creeping up behind him (somehow). Until it was to late.

"AHH!"

While Uryu tried to distangle Ozzy's claws from his... cape... thing... mantle... whatever you want to call it, Ichigo started to back up, as did everyone else. Inside Ichigo's head Zangetsu began to freak out again, Ogihci resulting to knocking him out before he hurt himself.

"Kidō him! Kidō him!" Uryu shouted at the shinigami present, but they had all gone into a state of shock upon seeing Ozzy.

"Guys!" Ichigo yelled at the others. "Freakin' kidō him already!"

This seemed to snap them out of it. Rukia chanted- "Bakudō #61. Rikujōkōrō!" sending six wide beams of light at Ozzy, which slammed into him, leaving him completely immobalized.

Retrieving their navy-haired friend, the group stood there for a while, trying to decide on what to do.

"We should probably try to get him to Orihime's..." Tōshirō said, still freaked out over Ozzy's sudden appearance.

"Yeah..." Ichigo agreed. "But how-"

He stopped talking when a loud cracking sound rang out. The whole group whipped around towards Ozzy, hoping that it wasn't what they thought it was.

It was.

The kidō restraining Ozzy was breaking. And when it broke, Ozzy was _pissed_.

"Shit... RUN!"

"How-" Tōshirō wasn't able to finish as Ichigo grabbed him and dragged him out of Ozzy's path of bunny-rage.

"Kurosaki!" the child-sized captain, who was being carried under Ichigo's arm as the group ran, yelled. "Put me down!"

"Right. Sorry!" he said, stopping and letting Tōshirō go recklessly, sending him flying into a tree. Ichigo's hand went to his zanpakuto's hilt.

"Ichigo, wait! You can't hurt Ozzy!" Rukia exclaimed, coming to a stop next to him.

"Hey, he wasn't even hurt when Zangetsu and Ogihci went Bankai! He just got a haircut!" Ichigo replied, unsheathing Zangetsu and springing at the bunny.

Uryu sighed, manifesting his bow. This was going to be a long day.

...

_-Hueco Mundo-_

**5:30**

"Ulquiorra. You had something you wanted to discuss with me?" Aizen said calmly, taking a sip from his tea.

"Yes, Aizen-sama," the Quatro replied, bowing respectfully before continuing. "As I'm certain that you are aware of, the repairs on the East Wing were recently completed. This being said, a certain... Resident of that wing, _Ozzy_, will be able to return today. I would like your permission to visit the World of The Living to retrieve him."

"Of coarse, my dear Cuatro. This... Ozzy as you call him, he's the 'mutant hollow bunny', correct? The one that Szayel wants to study?" the ex-shinigami asked, taking another sip from his tea.

"Yes sir, but I believe-"

"Hey Ulquiorra!" Grimmjow roared as he barged into Aizen's throne room.

Aizen, who actually seemed surprised at the Sexta's unruley entry, seemed to be about to say something, but Ulquiorra beat him to it.

"Trash. Can't you see that I am speaking to Aizen-sama?" he asked, visibly annoyed.

"Yeah, but you were the one arguing with me earlier about this! Googled it- my name's not French!"

"Yes it is, _Grimmjow_," Harribel said as she emerged from the shadows to their right.

"No, it ain't! And quit saying my name like that!"

"Actually," Szayel popped in from a side entrance. "Jacques is a fairly common French name. Therefore, he is French," he informed everyone.

"Szayel, you're not helping. You and your gayness get out!" Grimmjow yelled, pointing at him.

"I'm not gay!" he replied, flabbergasted. "I'm as straight as a circle!"

"That makes you gay!"

"Does not!"

"Does to!"

"What is going on in here?" Tōsen asked, entering from where Szayel had.

"JUSTICE!" the pink-haired man yelled, sonidoing out of the room.

_'Why are so many of my Espada showing up in here?'_ Aizen thought, looking around at Grimmjow, Harribel, Ulquiorra, Baraggan (who had shown up for some reason and was now staring at Harribel), and Starrk, who was sleeping in the corner.

Tōsen shrugged and left the room.

"Hey, bitches!" Nnoitra screeched, popping up in all of his Spoonman glory from behind Aizen's throne, making him jump. "Ya seen my copy o' _Hustler_ anywhere?"

"No, and porn is now banned from all parts of Las Noches _except_ living quarters, Nnoitra," Aizen told him, running a hand through his slicked back hair. "You've scarred too many Arrancar by looking at it while on patrol."

Nnoitra grumbled, walking a few feet away and pouting.

"Alright, will everyone who's _not_ Ulquiorra get ou-"

Aizen was interrupted by Charlotte Chuhlhourne skipping into the room, wearing nothing but, to everyone's horror, a g-string. The scantily-clad man (I think?) stopped directly in front of Aizen, picked up his teacup and tea kettle, and, in front of his horrified audience, dumped it over his head, allowing the warm liquid to drip down his body. Shaking his head and spraying everyone with his hair-tea, he did one of his poses, winked, and ran out of the room. *****

The gathered Espada and their leader just stood there for several minutes, trying to process the disturbing sight that had just played out in front of them.

"What... The... Fuck..." Nnoitra said, looking stunned.

"Remind me why we keep him?" Aizen asked to no one in particular.

"Because Baraggan would throw a hissy fit if you killed him," Starrk replied, having woken up to Charlotte's 'performance'.

"Ah."

Ulquiorra just stood there looking traumatized for a few seconds before turning back to Aizen. "So... That is a yes?"

"...Yes."

"Thank you, Aizen-sama," he said before turning and walking out, that priceless look still on his face.

"...You can all leave now."

Everyone departed, still shocked. Then Gin showed up.

"Aww... You were havin' a party an' didn' invite me? What'd I miss?"

"...Not much."

...

_-The World of The Living-_

**5:45**

"AH! What the hell is wrong with this thing?" Renji cursed as he was being dragged around by his zanpakuto, which had become lodged in Ozzy's hollow hole.

No matter what they did, it didn't seem to be helping. Tōshirō had tried freezing the bunny- he had shattered it and eaten his captian's haori. Rukia tried the same thing- Sode no Shirayuki nearly ended up in Ozzy's stomach. Ichigo tried firing a Getsuga Tensho at him- he dodged and attacked. And when Uryu tried shooting his arrows at him- he freaking _ate_ them.

Things weren't looking good for the group, and things took a turn for the worse when Orihime decided to show up.

"Kurosaki-kun!" she cried, seeing Ichigo getting thrown into a tree by Ozzy.

"Orihime! No, stay back!" He heard footsteps approaching from behind. Turning, he once again found himself with a face full of cleavage, courtesy of a still drunk Rangiku.

Managing to pull his face from the two massive objects intent on killing him, he told her, "Rangiku! Go! He'll kill you! And will you stop drinking that?" He snatched away the sake bottle that had appeared from somewhere within her shihakushō.

'Huh. Maybe that's what her giant rack's for...' Ogihci pondered within his head.

'Sh-shutup!'

Rangiku shakily turned to Ozzy, who was looming over her. She squinted slightly, trying to focus. Ozzy cocked his head to the side in confusion and slight agitation, wondering why this one wasn't running.

"Matsumoto! Get over here now!" Tōshirō yelled from the sidelines.

Ozzy roared, and Rangiku's eye's widened. Then she did something that surprised everyone.

"You!" the blond roared at the massive creature in front of her, staggering towards him with a shaky finger pointed. "Don't you _-hic-_ know not to _-hic-_ yell at a lady? _-hic-_"

That was surprising enough, but then Ozzy _backed away_ from her. Yes, Ozzy the mutant hollow bunny was backing away from the lazy drunk. Go figure.

As Rangiku released all of her alcohol-induced bitch-rage on the poor creature, the rest of the group just stood back, amazed.

"Wow... Who knew Rangiku's drinking would actually be useful for once?" Renji remarked.

"That's... Surprising," Tōshirō said, sweat-dropping.

"Yeah..." Orihime agreed, looking down at her watch and gasping.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Ichigo asked her.

"It's... Five fifty-nine," she said. "...Six."

"Well, where were you supposed to take him?"

"Um... He said, 'Be with Ozzy when I come to retrieve him. Location is not relevant- I will find you'."

"Orihime... Who's 'He'?" Renji asked her.

"Ulquiorra," she said, glancing at Ichigo while turning a bit pink. He was too busy watching Rangiku terrorize Ozzy to notice.

Before anyone could say or ask anyone else, the familiar static-like sound of a garganta opening was heard. They all looked behind them to see the rip opening up, revealing four Arrancar standing just beyond the opening, staring at the one sided bitch-off currently going on with amusement.

"-hic- And that fur coat you're -hic- wearing... Hideous!" Rangiku spat, waving something that looked suspiciously like a rubber chicken at her victim.

"Che... A crazy chick with big jugs and a rubber chicken?" Grimmjow asked, unimpressed. "That's who's dealing with the big, scary bunny?"

"Uh... Well, she's drunk now, but there's a good chance she's crazy too, so... Yeah," Ichigo said, watching Ozzy cower as Rangiku hit him over the nose with her chicken.

Ulquiorra looked at Orihime, slightly raising a eyebrow as if to ask 'Really?'. She just smiled awkwardly back.

"Look, can you guys just grab Ozzy so we can go back?" Starrk asked, yawning. "I want to finish my nap..."

"Lazy-ass."

"Hey, at least I don't get high on catnip on the weekends."

"What? I do not!"

"Oh yeah! That was awesome!" Lilynette exclaimed as she squeezed past the arguing Starrk and Grimmjow. They looked down at her, the Sexta in annoyance and the Primera in amusement before continuing.

"Well, they seem to be having fun," Rukia commented, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, it's almost like they're family," Uryu replied.

Grimmjow huffed, stepping out of the garganta, the others following. "So, how're we gonna get the overgrown bastard home?"

"Your friend... Can you get her away from Ozzy?" Ulquiorra asked Orihime, who nodded.

"Don't you -hic- backtalk me!" Rangiku yelled.

"Um, Ranguku? It's time to calm down now..." Orihime said softly, grabbing her friend's arm. "Ozzy _is_ unfashionable and rude... Just back away now."

With a _hmph_, the drunken lieutenant was led away, her chicken confiscated.

Ulquiorra walked up beside Grimmjow. "Does anyone have any carrots?"

"No?" Grimmjow answered, looking at his fellow Espada like he was nuts.

"They are his favorite type of food, _Grimmjow_," Ulquiorra told him.

"Seriously? Gah... Say 'Grim'."

Ulquiorra gave him a tired look. "If I do, will you focus on the task at hand?"

"Maybe."

"...Grim."

"Say 'Jow'."

"...Jow."

"Now put them together. _'Grimmjow'_."

"I am not a toddler, _Grimmjow_," Ulquiorra replied calmly.

"Why do you people say it like that?"

While the two Espada stood by arguing about Ulquiorra's pronunciation of Grimmjow's name, everyone else just stood by, sweat-dropping.

"Do they always fight like this?" Ichigo asked Starrk and Lilynette.

"Unfortunately," Starrk replied.

"_Grimmjow_ always starts fights," Lilynette explained. "Basically, he just likes pissing people off."

"Why's he so mad about that?" Orihime asked. "Isn't that how everyone says his name? '_Grimmjow_'?"

"Yes... It's just the fact that Ulquiorra's the one saying it that pisses him off. Punks and emos don't mix," he said with a sigh, turning back towards Ozzy, who was just sitting there, confused.

"Well, I guess we should- wait Lilynette!" Starrk exclaimed, trying to stop the young Arrancar from rushing up to Ozzy, who now looked like he wanted to kill everyone.

"Hey Ozzy! You ready to go home?" she asked, standing directly in front of him, smiling warmly. He just stared at her.

"He's agitated. It would be best to stay away from him," Ulquiorra told her.

"Ozzy won't hurt me. See? He's perfectly-" She had been reaching out to pet Ozzy when a growl cut through the air.

"Uh, Ozzy?" she asked, backing away a bit.

Ozzy roared, then charged Lilynette. She dodged and sonidoed away, but Tōshirō, who had been standing behind her, wasn't so lucky. The albino knocked him down, bit the back of his shihakushō, and jerked him into the air.

"Tōshirō!"

"_Taichou~_!"

The only response the midget-captain was able to get out was a yell as Ozzy, with him in tow, ran past the surprised Arrancar and through the garganta that had been left open, entering Hueco Mundo.

"What the..." Grimmjow said as Ozzy passed, turning towards the portal.

"Hey, if you don't want Ozzy to eat him, you might want to help catch him," Lilynette told Tōshirō's group.

"Eat him? How do you know he'll do that?"

"You'll have to trust her on that one," Starrk answered before going through the garganta.

"Are ya comin' or what?" Grimmjow snarled over him shoulder, following Starrk's lead.

"It's probably a trap. Don't go," Rukia said, grabbing Ichigo's shoulder to stop him.

"It's not a trap, trash," Ulquiorra coldly told her.

"Ozzy will eat your friend if you don't catch him. That's what he does when he's raging," Lilynette said, walking towards the garganta.

"How do you know that?" Rukia asked.

Looking over her shoulder, the small Arrancar said softly, "Because. He's mine."

After a second of thought, Tōshirō's group followed the Arrancar into Hueco Mundo, hoping to save their friend from the raging Ozzy.

* * *

><p><strong>*- Supreme Overlord of Everything- There you go! Aizen's tea- dumped. Bet you weren't expecting me to do it that way though, huh?<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN- Well then. I'll bet none of you guys were suspecting Lilynette, were you?**

**In case anyone's wondering- Ogihci has NO idea how to sober someone up. That's why he's trying to hit Zangetsu with things. And his innocence has been RUINED! XD (I'm sorry! I just had to!)**

**Ogihci- You bastard! That wasn't funny!**

**...Moving on.**

**I'm soooo sorry you guys had to wait so long for this. I had some exams and all hell is starting to break loose in my school... Family problems and such are popping up. You know, life stuff. I've got good news, though. The next chapter is all typed out and everything, for once. I'll probably post it in a few days, maybe sooner. Depends on if I feel like teasing you guys or not. :P**

**Review! If you do, maybe Tōshirō won't end up as rabbit chow. (Joking... Or am I? O.O)**


	11. Screw This We're Freakin' Terrified

**A/N- The chaos continues!**

**Warnings- Same as last time. Again, these guys can't control their mouths and I have nothing against gays.**

**Disclaimer-For those idiots out there who somehow can't figure this out, I don't own Bleach. Just most of the manga books, a poster, and these stories.**

_(Text like this)_ **-Rare author's note.**

* * *

><p>"Okay, tell me <em>why<em> we brought her along in the first place?"

"I don't know. Probably wasn't a good idea, though."

"I'm getting tired... Can we stop?"

"Just keep running a bit longer, Renji!"

"Rukia, we can stop now. We need to anyways if we're gonna figure out where we are."

After going through the garganta, the group found themselves in a room obviously used to house the monster bunny. As soon as they arrived, Starrk and Lilynette took off in search of Ozzy. Grimmjow did the same after Ulquiorra informed him that he couldn't beat the living shit out of Ichigo. They had thought that the Cuatro was sticking with them, but he took off as well, saying something along the lines of 'needing to inform Aizen-sama of this occurrence'.

With Ulquiorra leaving, they found themselves hopelessly lost. Renji, who had been supporting Rangiku before their dimension jump, somehow ended up bringing her along and was now stuck with carrying her.

"Come on! Stop being such a wimp!" Rukia scolded him.

"Rukia, stop calling him a wimp," Ichigo said, stopping and sitting against a wall.

"Thanks... Ichigo," Renji breathed.

" 'Cause we all know he is one," the strawberry finished with a satisfied smirk.

"What! You bastard!"

'Ha! BURN!'

'Ogihci... No more _That 70's Show_ for you.'

'But King~'

'You don't need weed-smoking hippie kids for role models. My head...'

'You'd be the one talking! You're just a drunken emo!'

'I'm sober now... Unfortunately... Why'd you have to do it _that_ way?'

'Oh good. Zangetsu's okay. What'd you do, Ogihci?'

'What makes you think I did something?'

'Because he just said you did, genius.'

'Oh.'

'He hit me over the head with a frying pan, Ichigo.'

'Wha... Where'd he even _get_ a frying pan?'

'I don't know...'

'Places,' the hollow said nonchalantly.

'Well, you didn't have to hit me with it!'

'Uh-huh! King told me to!'

With a sigh, Ichigo tuned out the voices in his head. Rukia and Orihime were now trying to wake Rangiku up so Renji wouldn't have to carry her. Uryu was standing to the side, looking around, trying to figure out which way they should go.

"Oh, Ichigo. You okay?" Rukia asked, looking slightly concerned.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You spaced out there for a second," Renji said, having caught his breath. "Had everyone worried."

"Oh. Uh, Ogihci sobered Zangetsu up... With a frying pan."

"A frying pan?"

The whole group looked at him with looks that said, "You could wake up in the loony bin tomorrow, you know".

"Yeah, that's what I-" Ichigo cut off, just staring behind them.

"Ichigo?" Orihime asked.

"Hello~. Earth to the Strawberry," Renji said, waving his hand in front of his face.

"Must be spaced out again..."

The orange-haired shinigami just looked at his friends for a second before looking back up. Following his gaze, they all turned around to see what they first thought to be a giant spoon standing there.

"Wha' do we have here?" Nnoitra asked, giving them his famous piano-toothed smile.

"Crap..."

"Ooh... Fresh meat," he drawled, focusing his gaze on Rangiku's unconscious form. More specifically... Well, you know where he was looking.

"Get out of here you sick spoon!" Renji yelled at him.

"I'm not a fuckin' spoon! Why tha fuck does everyone think tha'?"

"Is he serious?" Ichigo asked Uryu, who shrugged.

"Hmm... I'll love havin' a go at this one," he said, forgetting about the spoon insult and taking a step towards the passed out blond.

"NNOITRA," boomed an amplified voice from overhead. "DO NOT MOLEST THE LIEUTENANT."

"What the hell?" Renji and Ichigo both cried, covering their ears like everyone else in the room.

"What the fuck Aizen? Turn that thin' down!" the Spoonspada screeched at the loudspeaker set on the ceiling.

"BACK AWAY FROM THE LIEUTENANT. DO NOT MOLEST," Aizen said. "RETURN TO YOUR QUARTERS."

"Why shouldn't I have some fun?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO."

"But-"

"I AM AIZEN. RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!"

"Aizen-sama... May I politely remind you that you are not, nor will you ever be, Cartman."

"BE QUIET ULQUIORRA. YOU'RE STEALING MY THUNDER."

"...What was in that tea?"

"Nothin' you need ta be worried abou'."

"Ichimaru..."

"Ulquiorra!" Nnoitra shouted. "Take tha mike from him!"

"...No."

"Whatdya mean, 'No'?"

"I am not going to stoop to your level, trash."

"This... Uh... Doesn't make me want to take them seriously," Ichigo remarked, watching Nnoitra argue with the ceiling.

"Hmm?" The Spoonspada looked back down. "Eh, it's the Emo Bitch's pet," he said, giving Orihime a once-over.

"What" Orihime obviously didn't know about Nnoitra's nickname for her and Ulquiorra. She looked like she was going to say something else, but then the wall beside them blew out.

"N-Nnoitra-sama!" Tesra cried, barely holding onto the fur on Ozzy's back, somehow managing to hold the bathrobe he was wearing closed at the same time.

"Tesra! Okay, how tha hell did tha' thing get back?"

"I AM CARTMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!" Aizen boomed over the loudspeaker, obviously drugged.

"Aizen-sama..."

From the hole in the wall that Ozzy had created, Grimmjow stumbled out.

"_Grimmjow_, keep him there until I arrive," Ulquiorra's voice boomed, causing the Sexta to look up, startled.

"Even over a loudspeaker? Seriously?" he yelled up. "My name. Is not. Freakin'. FRENCH!"

Being preoccupied with the loudspeaker-voices, Grimmjow wasn't aware of anything that was going on around him. As a result, he got headbutted to the floor by Ozzy. The bunny continued running around trying to get Tesra off. In the process of moving away from the Grimmjow, one of his hind legs caught the Arrancar in a very... Painful place. Grimmjow collapsed onto the floor, clutching his manhood.

"Trash," Ulquiorra called him, arriving via sonido to their location.

"Tch..." Grimmjow tried to swing at Ulquiorra, who dodged and continued towards Nnoitra to prevent him from killing things.

Through all of this, our favorite Spoonspada was trying to save his Fracción, though his methods were a bit off.

Tesra was yelling as Ozzy ran around crazily, but this was probably more due to Nnoitra's decision to try and take Ozzy's head off with Santa Teresa. All he was doing was pissing the bunny off more.

"Nnoitra," Ulquiorra said, trying to get his attention.

"What, Emo Bitch?" was his reply, which caused Ulquiorra's eyebrow to twitch. "Why won't this thing freakin' DIE?"

"Do not kill Ozzy. Lilynette will kill _you_," the Cuatro said, regaining his cool.

"I don' give a fuck!" Nnoitra screamed, swinging his... sword... axe... cleaver... I don't even know what to call that thing... zanpakuto (?) around to hit Ulquiorra, who jumped out of the way with a sigh.

"What is wrong with these guys?" Uryu asked.

"I don't know, but they don't really seem to be the best army..." Ichigo replied.

'Ichigo...' Zangetsu said, sounding uneasy.

'What?'

'This might not be something you want to hear right now, but... Ogihci got a hold of my boombox.'

'So?'

'...And my CD collection.'

'Still not seeing your point here.'

'...Just thought you might want to know, because he now has that Disturbed CD back now.'

'...'

'Ichigo?'

'Get it away from him. _Now_.'

'Can I force him to watch _Two Girls, One Cup_ if I do?'

'I think he's going to end up watching it again today anyway, so sure. Go for it. Just do it before he starts blasting something.'

'Okay.'

'Oh, Zangetsu?'

'Yes?'

'Where did you even get the _idea_ to watch _that_?'

'Places,' the sword replied, mimicking Ogihci's mysterious reply.

'Okay then. Have fun.'

Ichigo tuned back to the scene in front of him, where Ozzy was kicking Nnoitra's ass. Tesra was still hanging on to his back, yelling "Nnoitra-sama! Nnoitra-sama!".

Santa Teresa was lying on the ground nearby, nearly bitten in half.

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, along with everyone else, were watching this from the sidelines with amusement.

"You bastards! Help me!" Nnoitra yelled at his fellow Espada while being stomped by Ozzy.

Grimmjow grinned in response, while Ulquiorra just stared at the Quinto.

Then Ozzy leaned down, bit Nnoitra's spoon hood off, and ate it.

"Mah spoon!" the now spoonless Espada gasped. Grimmjow fell to the floor, roaring with laughter, and the corner of Ulquiorra's mouth twitched like he was suppressing a smile. The Hitsugaya Rescue Team stared at Nnoitra, covering their mouths to stifle their laughs, unsure if it was safe to do so.

Tesra dropped off Ozzy a second later and ran to his master's side in an attempt to comfort him. Above them, Ozzy reared back his head and opened his mouth. They closed their eyes, expecting their heads to be taken off at any moment. When nothing happened, they looked up. What they saw was almost as frightening as Kenpachi achieving Bankai.

Ozzy still had his mouth open, and a red ball of light was beginning to flicker in there.

"Cero," Ulquiorra called, backing up.

"Since when?" Nnoitra screeched, scrambling away down the hallway with Tesra.

"That thing can fire ceros and you didn't tell us?" Ichigo angrily asked them.

"We did not think it would come up."

"Well, it would have been nice to know!"

Ozzy fired his cero then, and the group just managed to get out of the way in time. It somehow caused a massive explosion upon impact which sent the group flying off in different directions, Team Rocket style.

Ichigo and Grimmjow flew off in one direction, Uryu and Rangiku in another, Renji and Rukia went off their own way, and Orihime ended up crashing into Ulquiorra, knocking the wind out of him and effectively taking him with her.

Ozzy simply hopped off to find some other poor soul to terrorize.

...

"No! Please Zanny... Not again."

"Then promise never to touch my boombox or CDs ever again."

Zangetsu had Ogihci strapped down to a chair in front of a large video monitor, completely immobile, and had just forced him to watch the video. (much like the chicken in _Robot Chicken_) If the hollow wasn't scarred for life before, he was now.

"No! I need the music!"

"No? Okay. Let's see... Well, I could force you to watch _Human Centipede 2_..."

"Already seen it."

"You have?"

"Yeah. It. Was. AWESOME!"

_(Do NOT take Ogihci's comment as encouragement to watch that. Trust me. Don't do it.)_

"That was horrible! How could _anyone_ enjoy something like that?"

"What're you talking about?"

"It was freaking disgusting! How did that not affect you?"

"I'm a hollow. Of coarse it didn't affect me!"

"..."

"Hmm... Okay, since you like my boombox so much..."

While Ogihci looked on, confused, Zangetsu retrieved some headphones from somewhere in the room, along with a CD. He slipped the headphones onto the hollow's head, making sure that he would be able to hear every note. Then he pressed play and just enjoyed the show.

"What? No! Turn it off! I'll never steal them again! Promise! Turn it off!"

_-What Ogihci is Hearing-_

_'I love you_

_You love me_

_We're a great big happy family'_

Zangetsu just sat back and smiled.

...

_-Grimmjow and Ichigo's Situation-_

"Dammit! Get off me!" Grimmjow snarled, trying to roll the dazed strawberry off his back.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry." He rolled off of the bluenette. "Damn. What happened?" Ichigo asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"We just got blown up, dipshit," Grimmjow replied, standing. Then he took a look around. "What the..." He paled. "Aw shit..."

"What?" Ichigo asked, looking around. They seemed to be in a normal part of Las Noches. Well, there did seem to be an odd amount of flowers, but still... Wait. Flowers... In Hueco Mundo?

"We need to get out of here. Now," Grimmjow said, looking around for an exit.

"Why? There isn't anything dangerous in here... Well, unless you're allergic to flowers."

"Cause _he_ might come back."

"Who?"

Almost on cue, a door across the room opened up.

"Oh? Are you people wanting a picture with me?" came a gay-sounding voice.

"Son of a bitch!" the Sexta cursed, now looking for the exit frantically.

Ichigo just looked on in growing terror as Charolette Chuhlhourne came strutting out of what the shinigami assumed was a bathroom, in a white bathrobe, his hair done up in curlers.

"A shinigami? Well, all kinds of creatures can appreciate my beauty, I suppose," the Arrancar said, assessing the teen. "Oh my... This hair! Such a beautiful color!" Ichigo just stood there, completely horrified, while Chuhlhourne flitted around him, praising his hair and body.

"Of coarse, no one could compare to my beauty," he finished, gesturing at himself. "But have no fear! The most beautiful thing in the universe is here! I'll give you a makeover that'll have everyone just _dying_ to get your picture." Ichigo was then grabbed by the back of his shihakusō and dragged towards the bathroom.

Finding the room's exit (hidden behind a flowery curtain), Grimmjow turned to find Ichigo. Seeing what Chuhlhourne was trying to do, he had to think fast.

A vase shattering near the Arrancar's feet caused him to look back, startled.

"U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi! You ugly! Eh, eh, you ugly!" Grimmjow yelled, taunting him.

"Why you little...!" Chuhlhourne yelled, outraged. He let a relieved Ichigo go and stomped up to Grimmjow. "I'm ten times as beautiful as you'll ever be!"

"Oh? So you _do_ have an alibi?"

"Why would I have an alibi? I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Then you ain't got no alibi! You ugly! You ugly! Run Berry!"

While Ichigo and Grimmjow ran away, leaving Chuhlhourne to cry about being ugly, Ichigo asked about that.

"I was, uh, watching _Family Guy_ last night."

"Ah."

"Yeah..."

"We kinda need to find everyone else now. And Ozzy."

"Great. Just follow me, got that, Strawberry?"

"My name does _not_ mean strawberry!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Berry."

...

_-Renji and Rukia-_

Renji ran up to his friend. "Rukia! You okay?"

"No, _baka_! We just got blown up! Of coarse I'm not okay!" she replied, rubbing her leg.

"Is it broken?"

"No, just bruised, I think," she said, standing and testing her leg. "Where'd we end up?"

Renji looked around. "Not sure. Think if we go down this way it'll lead us anywhere?"

"Well, we won't know if we don't try it, right?" Rukia began to walk down the hallway.

The pair walked for a little while, looking behind them occasionally to make sure that they weren't being followed by any mutant bunnies. They soon came upon a door labeled 'Laboratory'. Someone had stuck a sticky note underneath saying 'OF DOOM'.

"Where are we, the showers?" Renji joked.

"That's_ lavatory_. That says _LABoratory_," Rukia informed him, sighing at her freind's stupidity.

"Geeze. I was joking. Lighten up."

The sound of locks being undone caught their attention. They backed up, just in case. The door opened and a bubblegum pink-haired head poked out, looking down at a watch.

"You're two minutes late. Those specimens needed to be refigerated by _then_ or-" He looked up. "Shinigami? Oh, this must be my lucky-"

"Can it," Renji said, causing Szayel to narrow his eyes. Then his eyes caught sight of the note.

"What the... The nerve! Whoever put this there..."

"Look, we aren't bringing your specimens and we really don't care about the note," Rukia said, turning and starting to walk away. Renji followed her lead.

"Who said you could leave?" Szayel asked, a manic smile spreading over his face.

"We don't have time to screw around with you," the redhead replied, turning towards him.

"Well, I don't know about 'screwing around', but you'll both make _wonderful_ test subjects."

"Heck no!"

"You don't have a choice," the scientist told them, taking a pen-shaped object out of his pocket and pointing it at Renji, his thumb moving to the button on the side.

Rukia ran up to Szayel and slapped him.

"Rukia!" Renji gasped.

"What was that for?" Szayel asked, holding his cheek, which was now as pink as his hair.

"I don't know," she said. "To make you shut up?"

"I wasn't even talking!"

"So?"

"Rukia," Renji said, laying a hand on her shoulder. "We really can't waste any more time with this freak. We've still got to find Tōshirō."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Before that _thing_ eats him."

"Wait, what thing?" Szayel asked, letting go of his cheek.

"Why would you care?"

"Because if that thing that you're talking about is who I think it is, then we're all in trouble."

"..."

"I might be able to help."

"Fine. It's Ozzy."

Szayel blinked. "O-Ozzy? I kind of thought you were talking about Yammy..." He started to mess with his gloves nervously. "But Ozzy..."

"You know him?"

"I might have made him what he is today." He turned and walked back into his lab with a concerned look on his face, motioning for them to follow.

"So you created him?" Rukia asked, still suspicious.

"That was stupid," Renji commented, looking at something in a fish tank that he really didn't need to know about.

"Not exactly," the scientist said, ignoring Renji's comment. He stopped in front of a desk and shuffled through some papers. "Aizen originally wanted me to preform experiments on Ozzy before I did anything to the other Arrancar. Something about lots of pain and mutations... Eventually, he dismissed that, apparently because of Gin calling what I was doing to him 'cruel'. Mind you, I never caused him any unnecessary pain. Most of the experiments were painless for him."

"So how'd he end up with that girl, Lilynette?" the redhead inquired.

"I'm getting there," he replied, giving Renji an annoyed look. "After I was granted permission to experiment on Arrancar instead, Ozzy was no longer needed for his original purpose. He had, however, begun to show some rather interesting attributes. I'm not entirely sure if these are his natural abilities or a result of my tests. Anyways, one day, he escaped my lab, where he was being kept. He was missing for over two hours, and when I finally found him, Lilynette was playing with Ozzy in his 'cute form'. I'm sure you people are aware of his forms. right?" They nodded. "Lilynette... Well, it's best that people don't make her mad. So when she found Ozzy, she basically claimed him. After talking with Starrk and Aizen, she was able to take care of him. She's responsible for that horrible name as well... I still want to study him, of coarse, but neither of them has given me permission."

"Uh okay... If that's it, then we'll just... Go," Rukia said, the test tubes and what not starting to freak her out.

"You said he had someone?"

"Yes, he ate something and now-"

"Wait, he didn't eat any sugar or alcohol, did he?" Szayel interrupted, a look of concern crossing his face.

"Uh, yeah. Both, I think."

All of the color drained from the Espada's face.

The two shinigami looked at him in confusion until he spoke.

"He-he can't have either of those. _Ever_," he said, looking fearful.

"Why? What happens?"

"I think you already know the answer to that," Szayel said grimly, pushing back his hair and turning back to his paperwork.

...

Zangetsu just stood there. Maybe he did go a bit overboard with the punishment...

Ogihci was just sitting in the corner, staring off into space. When Zangetsu had let him out of that chair, he has just walked away in a straight line until he hit the corner, where he sat down. He hadn't moved since.

This was like something from one of those horror movies... With clowns in them. The sword shivered. No, he wouldn't think about that now.

"Ogihci?" he asked. Most of him wanted to just leave the hollow in his comatose state, but the other part was nagging at him saying that it wouldn't be right. He put his hand on his shoulder and said his name again.

This caused the hollow to look up at him. Ogihci looked down at Zangetsu's hand, then back up, then back down. He looked almost childlike...

And then he licked the sword's hand.

"Gah! What was that for?" Zangetsu demanded, jerking his hand away from the albino.

Ogihci looked at him blankly before slowly standing. Turning to the sword, he was still for a few seconds before he raised his arms in a 'come hug me' fashion.

"I love you... You love me..." he said, stepping towards the old man. "We're a great big happy family..."

"Oh good lord..." Zangetsu said, backing away. "I've created a monster..."

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you... Won't you say you love me to..."

Zangetsu ran away, horrified. Ogihci chased him, singing the song.

"ICHIGO!"

...

_-Uryu and Rangiku-_

"Rangiku! Will you just walk already?" Uryu complained, dragging her along. (barely)

"Where's _taichou~_?"

"I don't know! And we won't know until you start walking and and we find the others!"

"Is he with _Ei-_chigo?" she asked, putting a lot of emphasis on the 'I' for some weird, drunken reason.

"Maybe. If you start walking we can go find out."

"I want taichou~!"

"God, it's like she's freakin' five..." the Quincy mumbled under his breath. Making a decision that he might regret later, he told her, "Okay, he's with Rukia! Come on, if we hurry, we can catch them before Ozzy does."

"Ozzy?" she asked, blinking.

"Yes, Ozzy. The bunny that took Tōshirō?"

She just looked at him, racking her brains trying to figure out who he was talking about.

"The mutant hollow bunny?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together, causing a tidal wave of cleavage to pop up. "You mean the fashion disaster!"

"Huh?" It was Uryu who was confused this time.

"The fatso with the horrible coat!"

"Uh... Yeah, I think? Come on, let's go," he said, grabbing her arm and gently pulling Rangiku down the hall. She was still raving on about all of Ozzy's beauty faults, but at least she was walking by herself now.

...

"No! Stay away! I do NOT love you!"

"We're a great big happy family..."

Yes, Ogihci was _still_ singing and chasing Zangetsu around. This had been going on for over thirty minutes, and the sword's arms were tiring from pushing Ogihci away and blocking out his terribly off-key singing. It was probably due to him being a sound-zombie at the moment, but the guy sounded like a drowning screech owl. Zangetsu was just hoping for Ichigo to respond to his cries for help, for the inner world to start crumbling again, anything. Even Ozzy showing up and eating his pole again would be preferable over _this_...

From his hiding places on one of the terraces, the sword peeked to his left. Nothing. To his right- nothing. He laid back and breathed a sigh of relief. _'Well, at least I can get a br- HOLY SON OF A-'_

He had reopened his eyes to find Ogihci standing over him, looking down with empty eyes. Instead of singing, he raised his arms and leaned down. That was the last thing Zangetsu saw before it all went black.

...

_-Ulquiorra and Orihime-_

Orihime blinked up at the ceiling. It took her a second before it all came back to her. Ozzy escaping, their current location, the attack... And then the explosion.

Wait, if there was an explosion... Why wasn't she hurt?

The teen sat up quickly and heard a grunt. She looked around, confused until she heard a deep voice say, "Woman... Get up." and something shifted under her.

Orihime looked down and quickly jumped to her feet with a cry of, "Ulquiorra! Omigod, I'm so sorry!"

Said Espada got to his feet, straightening and dusting off his coat. "It is that creature's fault, not yours, woman."

"Um... Ulquiorra? I'm not really a prisoner here anymore, so... It's fine to call me by my name now," she told him, studying his normally emotionless face for a reaction.

He looked at her with emotionless green eyes for a few seconds before answering. "I do not see what difference it would make."

Orihime looked down in disappointment, which confused the Cuatro. He just shrugged it off.

"So, where exactly are we?" she asked, not recognizing anything as she looked around at the clean, white walls.

"The West Wing," he replied after glancing around. "We are a few corridors away from where the explosion occurred, although how we both ended up here is beyond me."

"What'd you mean?"

"None of the walls have any unusual imperfections on them, and these halls have many turns in them. There just isn't a logical explanation," he told her, beginning to walk away. Orihime followed.

"Magic?" the bubbly girl suggested with a laugh. He just looked at her, not getting her joke, although he probably wouldn't have reacted even if he did. She gave a sigh and continued walking.

The walked in awkward silence for a few more minutes before Ulquiorra froze.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Orihime asked, stopping a few feet in front of him.

He looked over his shoulder and down the hallway, narrowing his eyes.

"Ulquiorra?"

"Quickly, in here," he said, opening an unmarked door against the wall and pushing Orihime in, following soon after.

"What are you-"

"Quiet. He will hear you."

A second later, Ozzy came hopping down the hall, still in his huge rage form. He sniffed the air, searching for the prey that had been there only moments before. Their scent was still in the air, but not them...

Ozzy continued on his way, having caught the scent of some other poor creature.

"...Is he gone?" Orihime whispered.

"For the moment, yes. He may return, though," Ulquiorra replied in a hushed tone, trying to put more room between himself and the woman in the small closet that they were hiding in.

"...Ulquiorra?" When she didn't receive a reply, she took it as a sign to continue.

"Why is this closet here, anyways?"

"...There is no purpose for it, so I do not know why Aizen-sama felt the need to have it built here."

"Oh."

After a few more minutes of standing in silence in the unusually small closet, Ulquiorra announced that it was safe to exit. Of coarse, while cautiously leaving the closet, Orihime's accident-proneness took over and she tripped over her own two feet. So both Orihime and Ulquiorra ended up on the floor, the orangette landing on and pinning him down unintentionally.

"Oh my. I didn' think you'd be tha one ta be messin' around like tha', Ulqui," a teasing voice said from down the hall, giving them both a start. Looking up, they caught sight of Hueco Mundo's own waving man with the candy.

Orihime turned bright red, and scrambled to get up, apologizing repeatedly. The only problem was, one of her shoes had somehow become wrapped in one of Ulquiorra's coattails, resulting in the very awkward situation they both in, actually giving the Cuatro a bit of color for once.

"Just..." he said, sitting up and grabbing her ankle, untangling her shoe from the fabric. She jumped up as soon as he did, still apologizing.

"Aw, isn't tha' sweet? The lovebirds were hidin' in tha closet!~," Gin sang, waggling a finger at them. "Naughty, naughty~!"

"Gin, don't you have other matters that you should be tending to?" Ulquiorra asked him, obviously annoyed.

"I am! There was an explosion, so I came ta check it out. An' I found you two before I got there!"

"You do not need to investigate," Ulquiorra said, looking down the hall. "The explosion was caused by Ozzy firing a cero."

Gin tilted his head, smile dwindling a bit. "He can fire ceros? Hmm... Hey, wha' were you two doing in tha closet?"

"Hiding," Orihime mumbled, looking at anything but the two men in the hall with her.

"Hidin'? From what?"

"That _thing_, Ozzy," replied Ulquiorra, still glancing around cautiously.

"Ozzy... 'Bout yay high, white fur, giant fangs?" Gin said, gesturing around.

"Yes?" Orihime replied, unsure as to why the fox-like man was saying this.

"You know full well what he looks like," Ulquiorra said, focusing on the ex-captain. "There is no need to ask meaningless questions."

"Well..." Gin pointed behind them, where the albino had snuck up like a ninja.

"...I really hate that thing," said the black-haired man, staring at the creature in distaste.

"Aw! Ulqui actually has feelings! I win the bet!" Gin happily said, oblivious to the current danger.

Ozzy growled, sending thick ropes of saliva dripping towards the floor. Orihime took a few steps back, just short of hiding behind the two members of Aizen's army. Ulquiorra didn't even flinch. Gin just stood there, grinning like an idiot and cooing over 'Ulqui's little emo feelings'. He almost lost it then, coming close to releasing his sword on the spot, but just barely kept his cool demeanor.

"Back up slowly," the pale man slowly said, to which Orihime complied. However, Gin apparently thought that he was immune to whatever hell Ozzy was about to unleash, so he just stood there looking up at the bunny, who growled again.

"Now, now. Don' be a bad bunny," Gin told him.

Ozzy didn't react to that well. With a roar, he lunged towards the creepy man. Ulquiorra ended up having to pull him out of the way, not wanting Aizen to get mad at him for one of his subordinates getting killed in his presence.

Despite Gin's protests, all three of them fled, hoping to escape Ozzy's rampage.

...

With a groan, Zangetsu opened his eyes. His head hurt... Like someone had hit him with something... He tried to rub his temples, but found that he couldn't lift his arms. Trying to look down, he also discovered that he couldn't move his head. Just his eyes.

Straining to look down and focus, he saw that his arms were securely fastened to armrests with straps. And from the feel of things, so were his legs, chest, chin, and forehead, leaving him unable to move _anything_. Like an electric chair...

A clicking noise brought his attention to an area ahead of him, where, to his horror, that albino demon was sitting in a comfortable-looking armchair, face completely devoid of expression, fidgeting with a rectangular object.

Realization dawned on the zanpakuto, who, quite frankly, began to freak out. He was in the Robot Chicken Chair in front of the giant monitor where he had strapped Ogihci earlier that day. And now _he_ was in the hot seat. The hollow had control, free to do whatever the hell his little demon heart desired. And he chose to take out his revenge.

Ogihci raised what Zangetsu now reconized as a TV remote and pointed it at the video monitor, pressing a button. The screen flickered to life, showing a black and white image that the sword immediately recognized.

"No! Why? Why would you even think about that?"

Ogihci just stared at him, his expression never changing. He hit another button and the horror that was _Human Centipede 2_ began to play.

Zangetsu had no choice but to watch.

...

_-Ichigo and Grimmjow-_

So, what has our favorite orange-haired shinigami been doing that has distracting him from the voices in his head?

...No, not that. Get your head out of the gutter.

_RAWR!_

"Oi! Quit shrinking 'n eating me!"

"That's how the game works. Deal with it."

"Fine."

"Hey!"

"_That's how the game works. Deal with it._"

"Don't mock me, Berry."

"Hmm... Ooh, toxic waste!"

"Arg!"

"Should've been destroying buildings, _Grimmjow_."

"You too? My name isn't French!"

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say, _Grimmjow_."

They were... Playing _Rampage_? And they were both kicking each other's asses.

"Take it like a man!"

"Said the princess."

"What? ...You suck at insults."

"Said the princess."

"Said the guy who's killin' ya."

"Said the princess."

_BAM!_

"Shit!"

"Ha! Bow to the King, Kitty Boy!"

"Tch... Beginner's luck."

"Whatever you wanna call it. I still pwned your ass!"

"Rematch!"

"Sure."

'Ichigo!' came a voice. The shinigami glanced around the room.

"Did you hear something?"

"All that hot air's goin' to your head, Berry," Grimmjow replied, choosing his character.

They began their rematch.

...

_-Uryu and Rangiku-_

"Taichou~"

Uryu sighed. She had been doing that for _thirty minutes_ now. And they still hadn't located the others.

"Taichou~"

Uryu glanced towards her and just narrowly prevented himself from nose bleeding to death. "Ran-Rangiku! Fix your shihakushō!"

"Hm?" She looked innocently towards him, then down. "Oh." Her top was adjusted to a decent level (for her).

"Where's Taichou?"

"We have to find the others first."

"Oi, Starrk! Quit sleeping!"

"Mmph..."

"Come on! We gotta find Ozzy!"

"Mnmp..."

Uryu, with the still slightly drunk Rangiku in tow, followed the sound of the voices to a room, where they found Starrk napping on a couch, Lilynette standing over him.

"Fine. Be that way," she said, then slugged him in the stomach.

"Gah!" Starrk shot up like a rocket, coughing and sputtering. "Okay, okay. I'm up."

"Good. Can we go find Ozzy now? I miss him."

It was then that Starrk caught sight of Uryu and Rangiku standing in the doorway. Lilynette did to, after she realized Starrk was actually focused on something for once.

"Oh. Members of the rescue group, right?"

"Uh, yeah. So I'm guessing you guys don't know where that thing is either?"

With a burst of sonido, Lilynette was in front of Uryu and had pulled him down to her level, grabbing his shirt collar. "He has a name. Use it," she demanded.

"Okay! Ozzy!" the teen said, terrified by the small girl pulling at his hair.

"Lilynette, don't hurt him," the Primera said, watching lazily. "He's just trying to help."

She frowned at him, then let the nerd-like boy go. He backed away, scared to death. She noticed this and gave him a warm smile.

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?" the girl asked, turning to Rangiku. "Is she, uh, still wasted?"

"Unfortunately." Then he whispered, "I think the alcohol is wearing off now, thank God. I hope her hangover isn't that bad..."

"Why?"

"Because," Uryu started, pushing his glasses up nerdily. "You've seen what she's like when she's _really_ drunk. What'd you think _that_ hangover's going to be like?"

Both Arrancar cringed after a moment of though. "Ooh, sucks for you," Lilynette said, glancing at Rangiku, who was talking to a lamp. Yes, a lamp.

"Erm... Let's just ignore her for now..." the freaked-out Starrk said.

"Agreed," both Lilynette and Uryu replied in unison, watching the lieutenant bitchslap the lamp across the room. Something about cheating on her.

"Well, ah, I guess we should go find the others..."

Before a reply could be made, Aizen came running down the hallway outside of the room, a police hat on his head and a badge reading "Deputy Doughnut" pinned to his coat. He was also wielding a pink water gun and had a can of whipped cream on his belt in place of his zanpakuto.

"Lord Aizen, I insist you stop this behavior at once! You are making yourself look like a fool!"

"I am a cop, and you shall respect mah authoritah!" he shouted, pointing his water gun at Tōsen.

Lilynette, Starrk, and Uryu poked their heads out of the room (Rangiku was still yelling at the lamp), and saw that Cop-Aizen had Tōsen and Aaroniero backing up, hands raised to show that the weren't armed.

"Uh, Aizen?" Starrk said, confused as hell.

The leader whipped around to face the Espada. "Hands where I can see 'em, punk!"

"What?"

Aaroniero shifted a little, causing Aizen to re-point the water gun at him again, causing him to flinch.

"What're you guys afraid of? It's just water," the small Arrancar informed the two being held up at water-point.

"It... He doesn't have water in there," Aaroniero's childish voice said. The deeper-sounding voice followed that up with, "It's much worse."

"Uh, okay?" she said, trying to think of what the ex-shinigami could have in the gun. Starrk and Uryu were doing the same thing.

"No talking!"

Aizen continued his cop rant for a while before making the two Arrancar and Quincy join Tōsen and Aaronietro. He then started his rant _again_.

Ten minutes later, he was _still_ yelling at them and was showing no sign of stopping. Then something hit him over the head.

As he crumpled to the floor, unconscious, a pissed-off Harribel was revealed, holding a broken baseball bat.

"Harribel... You hit Aizen," Starrk said, astounded. The others were to stunned to speak, including Tōsen.

"...He deserved it. Before he found you, he decided to pat me down to "check for weapons". It got a bit to personal..." While the others stood in silence, she proceeded to grab Aizen's arm and toss him over her shoulder in a remarkable show of strength.

"Oh, and in case you wanted to know- Ozzy is currently chasing Gin, Ulquiorra, and that girl, Orihime, around in the West Wing." With that, she sonidoed away.

"Wonder where she's taking him."

"Knowing her, if Aizen did _that_, then he's going to have a very rude awakening..."

"Hey, you guys? Where'd the other two go?" Uryu asked. Tōsen and Aaroniero were nowhere to be found.

"Those two disappear a lot. I mean, Tōsen's like a ghost!" Lilynette told him. Starrk nodded in agreement.

"You do know that you guys are technically ghosts, right?"

"What? No, were hollows! Not ghosts."

"Demons then."

Before the green-haired girl could pounce on the teenage Quincy, Starrk butted in. "Lilynette, we _are_ technically dead, so yeah, we're ghosts. At least to the humans."

She settled down after that, but Uryu was left terrified for the second time that day. Lilynette was _scary_ when she was mad.

Sighing, she said, "Well, I guess we've got to go save them from Ozzy now, so..."

They departed, leaving Rangiku to be with her lamp.

...

"Oh dear Lord..." whispered Zangetsu, being forced to watch the movie. Ogihci was sitting next to him, having dragged his armchair over and finding a bowl of popcorn and a soda somewhere. And he was actually, _enjoying it_.

"It doesn't even have any dialogue! Or color! Let me out!" the sword yelled for probably the hundredth time that day. Ogihci shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth to shut him up.

The hollow then realized that he was out of soda. Pausing the movie, he left to get more. Where he paused it just so happened to be a really graphic part of the film, so Zangetsu was forced to start at that until he got back. When he did and it started again, the sword was even more horrified than he had been before.

'_How did this even get produced?_' he thought, trying not to think about what he was seeing.

The movie ended after a rather disturbing end, much to Zangetsu's relief. Ogihci got up and put the DVD back in its case.

"There! You've had your fun, now let me out!"

The albino just smirked demonically at the sword, his eyes having gained a dangerous glint. He picked another DVD out of a pile on the floor, showing him the cover. '_Cannibal Holocaust_'.

His eyes went wide. "Don't you dare."

He dared.

"No! How'd you even get this! It's freakin' banned, like, everywhere!"

Ogihci didn't reply.

...

"HA! Who's the King now, Berry?"

"You don't have to act like a dick..."

"I ain't the dick! You're the dick!"

"Real mature, _Grimmjow_."

"Oh, yeah. Like you're _so_ much more mature than I am."

"Yep."

"Prove it."

"Make me."

"Heh. Pussy."

"If anyone here's a pussy, it's you."

"..."

"What?"

_-Five Minutes Later-_

Harribel, who was still carrying Aizen, passed by the Relaxation room, then backed up, did a double take, and dropped her leader.

"What. The hell. Are you _doing_?"

Grimmjow looked up and momentarily stopped pulling on Ichigo's hair. "What does it look like? I'm havin' fun." He resumed tugging on the shinigami's hair and shifted his own position, making it look slightly less, well, _homo_. Ichigo continued trying to push the Sexta off, which was nearly impossible due to him all but sitting on his lap at the moment.

Harribel sighed, then decided to just sit back and watch the show. Hey, if two totally hot guys were wrestling and it looked like _that_, wouldn't anyone?

It took them a few minutes to realize that she was still there. When Grimmjow questioned her about this, she simply replied that she was enjoying the show. That was when the boys realized what their position made them out to be. The space of the room was between them in a second.

"And you're still here because..." Ichigo rudely asked her.

"Because if I leave, I might miss something," she replied, trying to freak them out as much as possible.

The bluenette was about to snap at her when he noticed what, or rather who, was on the ground beside her.

"No way. Is that Aizen?" Both he and Ichigo moved in for a closer look. "Oh man, it is!"

While Grimmjow started laughing himself to death due to his leader's appearance, Ichigo asked Harribel, "Uh... Why's he dressed like a cop?"

"I think Gin put something in his tea again. It made him lose it and he though he was Cartman, so he was acting like a real cop. A really messed up cop."

"Okay." He waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, he did. "So why's he passed out?"

Instead of speaking, Harribel pointed at the lump on his head.

"Oh."

"He tried to get personal with me, so I put him in his place. Grimmjow, It's not that funny, so stop it."

Gasping for air, he barely managed to get out, "D-Deputy Doughnut!" before collapsing again.

"...What were you two, erm, wrestling over?" Harribel asked, deciding to ignore the Espada rolling around on the floor.

"Who was more mature."

"I think you won that one..."

"No... _-gasp-_ I'm the mature _-gasp-_ one... Pffft, whipped cream."

"Uh..." Ichigo just stared at Grimmjow, who's face now resembled an eggplant.

Harribel kept ignoring him and once again picked Aizen up with ease. "If you are interested, Ozzy is chasing Gin, Ulquiorra, and Orihime around in the West Wing." She departed down the hallway after giving this message.

"Orihime..." Looking down, he grabbed the back of Grimmjow's jacket and pulled him to his feet. "Come on! I know where Ozzy is now." When the Espada continued laughing, he punched him.

"Ah! What the hell, Berry?"

Ichigo sighed, pushing him out of the room. "Ozzy's in the West Wing, and I have no idea where that is. Show me."

After a bit of an argument, they took off down the hallway.

...

_-Ulquiorra and Orihime (plus Gin)-_

Ozzy tried yet again to take Gin's head off. "Bad, bad bunny!" he shouted back at him.

Orihime almost tripped, but Ulquiorra grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the reach of Ozzy's claws.

They kept running, eventually coming across a group of Números socializing in the hall. Seeing the fleeing triad, they looked back and saw what was chasing them. Their hands immediately went to their swords, prepared to fight him.

"If you know what's good for you, do _not_ do that," Ulquiorra warned them, stopping and turning towards Ozzy. When the albino showed no signs of stopping, he fired a bala at him.

Ozzy ate the bala.

"What the hell?" One of the Números gasped, not knowing what Ozzy was capable of.

"I wouldn' stick aroun' fer long," Gin said, giving them his famous giaganta-smile. "Ulqui-la-la already hates tha' thin'. Ya don' wanna see Ulqui get mad." They fled after he said that, terrified at the thought of what the Emospada would do to them if he got pissed.

Ozzy dived at the Quatro, who darted out of the way fast, trying to think of a way to stop him while he was raging.

"Orihime!" The girl turned to see her orange-haired friend rushing down the hallway towards her, followed by Grimmjow, who looked pissed. Not much of a change for him, but still.

"Ichigo! Omigosh we got blown up then chased by Ozzy then ended up in a closet then Mr. Gin found us then Ozzy chased us again I'm so happy you're okay!" she blurted out, blushing profusely.

Ichigo just stood there, sweat-dropping for a second, then replied, "Uh... That's... Nice."

"I'm going to kill you..." Grimmjow growled at Ichigo, face twitching in anger. He was trying to get what seemed to be water out of his hair.

"Eh, what happened ta you, Grimmy?" Gin asked, still focused on Ulquiorra's struggle with Ozzy.

"The stupid strawberry here pushed me and I landed in a puddle. That better've been water..."

"What do you think it was, whiz?"

"Better not have been."

They were both getting weird looks from both Orihime and Gin, so they just stopped and observed Ozzy for a bit. He was going absolutely _crazy_ trying to get Ulquiorra, who was darting around at a remarkable speed, easily avoiding him.

"Guys!"

Turning, they found Uryu, Starrk, and Lilynette running up to meet them, the Primera looking like he was going to fall asleep at any moment.

"Uryu! Where'd you end up?" Orihime asked him, turning away from Ulquiorra and Ozzy.

"I'm not sure...It was near these two, though."

"Hey, where's Rangiku? I though I saw her go off in your direction."

"We locked her in a room," Starrk said. "She was having a lover's spat with a lamp."

"..."

"Yeah, I know."

"Can you people just help out? Or are you going to go on about your trashy lives forever?" Ulquiorra complained, trying to keep Ozzy at bay by firing bala everywhere.

"Oh, right. Sorry." Ichigo and Uryu were about to move in when three other people rushed up to them.

"I-Ichigo," Renji panted, having run from Szayel's lab to his location without stopping. Rukia was just as out of breath, but the mad scientist himself was to busy to be tired.

"GAH! Get this freak off me!" Szayel had dashed straight over to Grimmjow and jumped him. He was now hanging off the Sexta like a leech, trying to convince him that he was in love with him. This was proving to be difficult, seeing as Grimmjow hated the Octava's guts and was attempting to beat him off viciously.

"But Grimmy~," he whined. "You love me~."

"I don't love you you freakin' queer!" he shouted in response.

"Oh yes you do~," Szayel purred, then tripped his 'boyfriend'. When he went tumbling back, Szayel somehow ended up pinning the bigger man down

"Uh..." Everyone present had stopped what they were doing to watch them. Even Ozzy stopped rampaging to watch the borderline yaoi that was occurring in the hallway.

While Szayel attempted to wrestle Grimmjow out of his hakama, everyone tried to focus on their current situation. Ozzy snapped out of his trance-like state and jumped on Ulquiorra, resulting in the Cuatro struggling to keep Ozzy's fangs away from his throat.

"Will you just do something already?" he demanded, flinching slightly when a glob of Ozzy's drool splattered all over his face.

"Aw, did someone take an OOC pill this mornin'?" Gin asked, finding Ulquiorra's situation funny for whatever reason.

"Ichimaru, this is not funny."

"OW! Starrk, _Grimmjow_ bit me!"

"Yeah, well I'm wet and pissed, so I can bite if I wanna."

"I think 'piss' would be the right term..."

"This better not be piss..."

"T-trash..."

Ichigo sighed, then pulled out Zangetsu and went at Ozzy.

"Hey, guys? This stuff... It's starting to burn. Is that bad?"

...

Zangetsu merely whimpered. Ogihci's banned movie had ended shortly before, and now he was rooting through the mass of horror movies that were in the box he had brought, pulling out certain ones and putting them into a growing pile. Judging from what the sword had seen, most of them were either body horror films, snuff films, or just ones that had been released labeled NR due to their contents.

"Will you just let me up?" He didn't reply. "I have to go to the bathroom, you know." Ogihci just looked at him with a face that said, "So?".

The hollow looked at a DVD case and his face immediately brightened up. Without showing Zangetsu the cover, he took out the disk and slid it into the DVD player.

"What are you... NO! Anything but this! Please!"

Ogihci smirked at Zangetsu's cries of terror as the movie version of _It_ began to play.

Revenge was _sweet_.

...

"Ozzy! No! Don't eat Ulquiorra!"

Lilynette shouted this as the Cuatro literally ran for his emo life, throwing things back at Ozzy in an attempt to knock him out. A bucket of red paint. A ladder. A little lizard-hollow. A Greek statue. Tōsen. None of them had any effect. (No one even questioned why most of these things were in the hall)

Meanwhile, Ichigo and Renji were arguing about something completely unrelated to the current situation. Orihime was having a panic attack while watching Ulquiorra. Grimmjow was complaining about the burning liquid while stumbling around trying to wipe it off. Gin was providing random commentary on things. Uryu and Rukia just stood there, wondering why everyone was acting so weird, and Starrk napped. Lilynette yelled at him from across the hall.

"Idiots!" Ulquiorra yelled. Yes, yelled, attempting to dropkick Ozzy as he did so.

"Oh yeah. Ulquiorra. Right," Ichigo said, discontinuing his and his pineapple-headed freind's debate on the pronunciation of the word tomato. (_It's 'toe-mae-toe'! _Not_ 'ta-ma-toe'!_) He and Renji immediately rushed out to fight Ozzy, while Uryu seemed to be deep in thought.

"Uryu! Get out here and help!"

He looked up. "Ichigo!"

"What?"

"Eariler, you said that Ozzy hates your zanpakuto, right?"

"Can't this wait until _after_ we've tried to kick this thing's ass?"

"No. Get over here."

Ichigo complied after seeing that no one was in mortal danger at the moment. Renji was chasing Ozzy and Ulquiorra was getting yelled at for throwing Tōsen.

"Yeah, he does. So what" he asked, obviously pissed.

"Do you think you could manifest him here?"

"Why?"

"We could lure Ozzy into another area."

"Maybe. Just a second..."

'Zangetsu?'

'Uh, King? Now's not a good time...'

'What'd you do?'

'...Showed him some horror movies.'

'Oh God. You didn't make him watch _It_, did you?'

'...Maybe.'

'Dammit Ogihci! ...I'm coming in there now. Kiss your candy stash goodbye.'

'NO!'

Ichigo blinked and turned to Uryu. "There might be a problem with that... I'll be back in a few."

...

"No! Don't take my candy! Anything but the candy!"

"Should've thought about that before you tramutized Zangetsu."

"I was a Barney-Zombie for half that time!"

"What? ...Never mind. That's just tough luck."

Ogihci broke down sobbing with that.

The shinigami sighed, then walked over to his sword spirit, who, although Ichigo had undone the restraints binding him to the chair, still hadn't gotten up. Instead, he had drawn his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and begun rocking.

"Zangetsu?"

"Clowns..." he muttered, staring off into space.

"Zangetsu, there aren't any clowns. Look, I want you to help me with something if you can."

"Clowns... The clowns... They're going to eat me..."

"There aren't any clowns where were going. Well, there _is_... Nevermind. He won't hurt you. Plus, if you help, I'll get you some _really_ high-grade sake, okay?"

He perked up at the mention of the drink. "Sake?"

"Yep."

"..." He seemed to ponder this for a while. "And there's no clowns? Or cannibals?"

"Uh... No."

"Okay..." he said hesitantly, regaining his composure.

"Great."

...

Ichigo returned to Las Noches, where Uryu was on him in a second.

"Where were you?"

"Uh... We had a little situation. What's your problem, anyway- oh. Nevermind," he said, seeing as Gin was riding on Ozzy's back, pretending that he was a horse, Starrk was watching lazily from the sidelines, Ulquiorra was lying against the wall; from the looks of things, he had hit his head at some point, Grimmjow was talking to a wall (possibly due to the mysterious liquid), and Lilynette was chasing after Ozzy, threatening to kill Gin if he didn't stop at once.

"So this is your zanpakuto spirit?"

Ichigo turned to see Zangetsu standing in front of Uryu, facing away from the action.

"Yeah. Zangetsu, Uryu. Uryu, Zangetsu."

The old man just looked at Ichigo. "You said you needed me to help with something... What?"

Before he could answer, a familiar roar sounded out. Zangetsu stiffened, then turned around slowly, his face a mask of horror. "Hell no! Let me go back!"

Most of the beings present heard the unfamiliar voice shout this and looked over. Unfortunately, this included Ozzy. Flipping Gin off in the process, he attacked Zangetsu, who began to run, cursing Ichigo all the way.

"...Your zanpakuto?" Renji asked, watching the mad dash of terror.

"Yeah."

Yelling, Zangetsu ran down the hall, where a figure sat up and rubbed it's head. The sword stopped a few feet in front of him, took one look at his face, then ran off in the other direction, screaming bloody murder.

Ulquiorra just sat there for a second, confused. He got up and hobbled over to the group.

"Judging by his spiritual pressure, I am assuming that was your zanpakuto spirit?" Ichigo nodded.

"Why did he run away screaming?"

"Uh..."

"Yeah, why _did_ he do that, strawberry?" Renji asked with a smirk.

"...He's... Scared of clowns..."

Renji burst out laughing at that, while Ulquiorra looked mortified.

"Erm, I think it's just the tear marks... He freaks out over Ogihci's apperance, too."

"Why?" Orihime asked innocently, trying not to laugh at the earlier statement.

"Cause he looks like a killer albino guy, I guess. Which he is."

"Ichigo, do I really need to say what's on my mind?" Rukia smirked as she said this.

"Shut up," he told her, then turned to Lilynette. "Is there any place we can lock Ozzy up until we figure out what we're going to do with him?"

She thought for a second. "His room, I guess."

"And where's that?"

"The East Wing. But you really don't expect to force him in there, do you?"

"No force. Lure." He turned to Starrk, who was faster. "Can you lead us there?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Good. Oi, Zangetsu! Can't touch this!" he yelled, running in front of his zanpakuto spirit, who lunged at him, aiming for his throat.

Starrk got what he was trying to do and began leading him towards the bunny's room, sonidoing a couple dozen feet in front of the shinigami at a time.

It took them just over ten minutes to get there, that time probably being one of the most hectic ten minutes in Las Noches' history, not counting the time Yammy had decided to go on a rampage when his favorite show was canceled.

A giant killer bunny chasing an emo-looking old zanpakuto spirit, who was chasing his orange-haired wielder, who was chasing an Espada (two if you count Lilynette). It was quite the sight. On their way, they passed the group of Números from before, who ran away in terror, Nnoitra, who was looking at a copy of _Hustler_ against Aizen's wished, which got trampled by Ozzy, Wonderwiess, who was playing with a little hollow lizard and didn't notice them, and Yammy. As they passed him, they created a strong updraft which took him by surprise. The Espada then spent a good twenty minutes just standing there, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"Are-are we almost there?" Ichigo panted, looking at Starrk.

"Almost."

The Primera's statement was proven accurate when a door came into view. Ulquiorra, who had apparently sonidoed ahead, was waiting next to it. He opened the door and stepped _way_ aside as they approached.

Starrk darted over to where he was standing immediately, while Ichigo entered the room and stepped to the side, waiting for Zangetsu. When he entered, still aiming to kill his master, the strawberry pulled him aside and let Ozzy charge into the room. Then they exited. Simple as that, right?

Wrong.

As soon as they slammed the door shut, Ozzy crashed against it. Zangetsu immediately asked if he could go back again, to which Ichigo said yes.

The door cracked.

"Are you sure that'll hold?"

"No."

"Oh, that's just great."

It broke, letting Ozzy out. Before he could even take a small step out of the room, though...

"Shoot to kill, Shinsō!"

A freakin' huge blade came speeding in their direction, hitting Ozzy in the chest, sending him flying backwards. A familiar orange shield spread over the doorway soon after that, preventing him from leaving.

"Hey~! Looky who I found!" Gin said, setting a once again passed-out Rangiku down on the floor and sheathing his sword.

"Kurosaki-kun! Is everything alright?" Orihime ran up to him worriedly, two of the petals on her hair clips missing. She was followed by the rest of the Hitsugaya Rescue Team.

"Yeah. We've still got to deal with him, though."

"Oh..."

Just then, a pink-haired man came running up to the room and threw something at Orihime's shield. It busted straight through it and hit Ozzy, who looked down. A pink syringe... He fell unconscious right after that, reverting to his cute form. Lilynette ran up to hug him.

"What the..." They all looked back at Szayel, who looked pleased with himself.

"Tranquilizers neutralize his powers," he said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"You could've done that earlier and you didn't?"

"Yeah..."

"What the hell, man?"

"You bastard!" Grimmjow exclaimed, appearing behind him.

"I thought you went crazy from that liquid?"

"I did. The idiot took me back to his lab and did somethin'!" Grimmjow told the shinigami angrily.

"Uh-huh!" Szayel looked extremely happy at this thought.

"What the hell did you do?"

"Nothing you need to be concerned with."

"If you did something to me, the I'm sure as hell gonna be concerned!"

"Whether he did something or not is hardly an issue right now," Ulquiorra said, breaking up their fight.

"Yes it is!"

"Uh... Look. We'd love to stick around for a while, but we've kinda got to get back to the World of The Living, and we still have no clue where Tōshirō is, so..."

When that sentence was spoken, a faint "Mmph!" was heard. They followed the sound into Ozzy's room, but there was no one there. Another _Mmph_ was heard, and they looked up. Everyone, Ulquiorra included, were,needless to say, shocked at what they saw.

"What the hell? Tōshirō?"

The short captain was stuck up there, duct-tapped to the obscenely high ceiling. He was dressed in what appeared to be a green leprechaun suit and had a green top hat stuck in his spiky hair. There was also a gag in his mouth, which explained the muffled sounds.

"..."

Eventually, they managed to get him down, though they couldn't find his shihakushō anywhere. No matter how hard he thought about it, he just couldn't tell them how he got up there, either.

Waking Rangiku up, everyone said their goodbyes. Gin seemed sad to see his childhood friend go. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow didn't seem to care either way. Starrk had fallen asleep again, and Lilynette seemed happy to have Ozzy back. Orihime said goodbye to Ozzy and Ulquiorra, and Gin stared at Tōshirō untill he began to get annoyed.

After another little incident with Szayel and Grimmjow, everyone got ready to leave.

"Well, bye, and uh, can you-" Ichigo was interupted by yet another person running up to them.

"Duh-da-duh-dah~! Charolette Chuhlhourne is here!" he sang out, hands on his hips and his chest thrown out.

This was met with various responses.

Lilynette gasped and covered her eyes.

Szayel ran out of the room, screaming.

The Hitsugaya Rescue Team gaped at him, unable to comprehend the gayness in front of them.

Gin snickered and looked away.

Ulquiorra and Grimmjow looked at each other and decided to take action.

The Cuatro quickly opened a garganta while Grimmjow yelled, "FUCKIN' RUN!"

The Team complied happily, Tōshirō's leprechaun hat falling off in the process. Ozzy's single opened eye followed their every move, silently plotting his revenge.

...

_-Epilogue-_

Aizen woke up on the floor of his throne room a few hours later. _'Ugh... What happened?'_

He quickly spotted a nearby note and picked it up.

_Dear Aizen-sama,_

_Please don't accept a drink from Ichimaru ever again._

_Thank You,_

_Harribel_

...What?

He looked down at his clothes.

...Oh.

X-X

Gin happily pulled a box out from under his bed. Opening it, he picked up the small, child-sized shihakushō from inside and hugged it to his chest.

He smiled evilly.

X-X

Ogihci went into sugar-withdraw due to his lack of candy and had to go to rehab. Zangetsu ran away from him every time he saw him, screaming something about, 'the poor turtle'. Ichigo couldn't really figure out why this was.

Lesson learned- Never terrorize Zangetsu. Or take away a hollow's candy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN- That thing with Ulqui and Hime in the closet was from a dream I had, all the way up to the point that Gin said that he won the bet. Best. Dream. EVER! Well, aside from that one about my school being destroyed by a Menos Grande, but still... Can't remember half of that one.**

**That concludes the saga of Ozzy~. He'll still show up occasionally to wreck havoc on our favorite characters, so don't worry about that. Why would I get rid of him? He's awesome!**

**And hey, if anyone's got anything you want to see happen to Zangetsu, Ogihci, Ichigo, or anyone else in the future, feel free to tell me via review. In other words, suggestions are welcome. The more random it is, the better! Anything to do with the Hueco Mundo gang will probably be used in my other fic, _There Are Rules, You Know_, though.**

**Review for Zombie-Ogihci! (the thought of that freaks me right the hell out)**


	12. Consequences

**A/N- What? You thought that this story was being abandoned? Nonsense! I'll keep this going until I run out of ideas! (Which reminds me, suggestions please!) And I'm sorry if this chapter is all over the place. One- school. And two- I was, like, high on laughing gas when I typed the last part...**

**Disclaimer- Last time I'm going to say this- I don't own Bleach or any other copyrighted material! Don't sue me! (This counts for all of the chapters for now on, okay? I don't like putting it in every chapter...)**

* * *

><p>The teacher was giving one of her speeches about what they had learned earlier in the year. While some students were frantically scribbling down notes, Ichigo was just letting his thoughts roam free. After all, it was just a review. They had learned this stuff at the beginning of the year, and he had already studied for his end-of-the-year tests.<p>

What was really bothering him today was the fact that he hadn't had an outburst from the two mental patients living in his head in over three days. Most people would celebrate if the voices shut up, but it kind of worried Ichigo.

Sometimes, there would be days when everything would be quiet, but this was rare. With that, there would always be a big outburst the next day. It had gotten to the point a few months ago that he had had to set aside a day where they _had_ to shut up and leave him alone, lest they face his wrath.

But that day had already come and gone, so there wasn't any reason for them to be so quiet. Maybe this had something to do with him taking away Ogihci's candy stash? No, Zangetsu would have said something. Unless the hollow had killed his zanpakuto? It didn't seem likely, since he was still able to kill a hollow that had showed up earlier.

Oh well. No reason to dwell on it.

...

_-In Ichigo's Inner World-_

Ogihci was curled up in his room, shivering. Zangetsu had made him stay in there when he got too annoying for his liking. That didn't matter to the hollow now. He needed sugar...

While he was suffering in his room, Zangetsu was standing outside on his emo pole, enjoying the sunny, hollow-free days that had descended upon the bleak landscape. It was worth having been chased by a giant rabid hollow bunny around a freaky castle-thing and almost being killed by a sad clown. He shivered violently. Scary clown...

"Zanny! Can I have some candy?" Ogihci shouted from within one of the gravity-defying skyscrapers.

He sighed. It had been good while it lasted...

"No! Eat an apple or something," the old man called back.

"But I don't wanna apple," the hollow pouted.

"...Eat crap then."

The smartass reply caught Ogihci off guard, but he quickly recovered. If Zangetsu wouldn't help him get candy...

"KING!"

Zangetsu was in the room in an instant, pinning the hollow to the floor by straddling him and covering his mouth, preventing anything but muffled sounds from coming out.

"Don't bother Ichigo," he hissed. "The tests are coming!"

The hollow knocked away his hand. "I just want some candy!"

Then he noticed the sword's position. "Uh... this isn't going to turn out like one of those shōjo manga that King's friends read, is it?"

"What? Oh... no." He quickly stood after he noticed. "And you watch and read them too, so don't complain about it."

"I do not!"

"The one withe the rabbit guy?"

"That's not like that!"

"Yes it is. The kid could have blown the rape whistle in the first episode..."

"Ha! You watched it too!"

"Not because I wanted to. Ichigo asked me to check what you were watching."

"What the hell, Zanny!"

"You're impressionable..."

"Am not!"

"Lower your voice. The tests-"

"I don't care about the tests! You were looking through my stuff! What if I looked through your room? Huh? Maybe messed with your razors?"

"Sssh!" Zangetsu clapped his hand over Ogihci's mouth again. In retaliation, the hollow bit him.

"Come on... I need sugar..." he mumbled, sitting on the floor and taking up the emo position.

"...You don't _need_ sugar," Zangetsu said with a sigh, rubbing his bitten hand. "Fruit has sugar. Eat some. Get over the addiction!"

"No!"

"Ogihci..."

"No! I don't wanna!"

"Stop acting like a five-year-old."

"Make me!"

"Ten minutes in the Time Out Corner!" the old man commanded, pointing his finger at the door.

"No!"

"Go or it'll be twenty."

"Shut up, Zanketsu!" *****

The sword just blinked at him in shock. First he shouts at Ichigo when he _knows_ that he is preparing for tests, then he royally screws his name?

"That's it!" he shouted, grabbing the back of Ogihci's shihakusho and dragging him out of the room, kicking and screaming all the way.

...

Everyone, including Uryu, had stopped taking notes after the teacher had been droning on for over thirty minutes. What was the point of telling the students to relax, then turning around and stressing them out? They really didn't plan these things through.

Suddenly, Ichigo heard an horrible, ear-piercing screeching sound. He instinctively slammed his hands over his ears, biting his lip and just barely keeping himself from crying out.

"Is something wrong, Kurosaki?" the teacher asked, stopping her lecture-turned-rant and staring worridly at him.

"Uh, sorry. I was, uh, daydreaming," he explained, realizing that no one else had heard the noise again.

"Must've been one heck of a dream," she remarked before going back to talking about class stuff. Before she could say much, however, the bell rang.

"Huh? Oh, class dismissed!" their teacher exclaimed in her normal carefree manner.

Everyone got up, chatting about weekend plans and the like. Ichigo's friends gathered their stuff and headed over to him.

"Are you okay, Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime asked, worried as usual.

"Yeah. I think they're just screwing with something in there..."

"Who?" Uryu asked, pushing his glasses up again. He really should have them adjusted.

"Who do you think?"

Another screeching sound cut through his mind, making him flinch. "I really don't want to know what they're doing..."

"...Okay... Bye Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime and Uryu exited the room, talking about sewing.

"Uh, so what are you planning for the weekend?" Rukia asked, messing with some of her horrid Chappy drawings. She, along with the rest of the gang, had learned not to question things when it came to the beings within Ichigo's head. You could end up being mind fucked.

"Nothing much. Just-" Yet another screech interrupted him, making him cringe yet again. "Okay, let's just go home."

She just shrugged and followed him out of the room, still kind of wondering what was going on. No questions were asked, of course. Her mind valued its virginity.

...

After the fourteenth repetition of the sound, Ichigo finally went to investigate. As to what took him so long, he had been hoping that it would stop and he would be able to return to the rare peace that he had been experiencing before. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be happening.

Upon locating where the sound was coming from, he kicked down the door with a shout of "Okay, what the hell are you guys... _doing?_"

In the room sat Zangetsu, who was wearing a lab coat for whatever reason and was reading a book while perched on the edge of a large, oak desk. Along the walls, multiple chalk boards were hanging, one with a depressed-looking albino standing in front of it. A bucket of chalk was next to him, one of the pieces in his hand as he wrote something on the chalkboard.

Taking a closer look, Ichigo found that the phrase "I will not bother King during a test or call Zanny "Zanketsu" ever again." was written over and over again on the boards. There were also a fair few long, jagged chalk marks scattered around between the written parts, which were apparently the source of the screeching sounds.

"Uh... _'Zanketsu'?_ What the hell?" the shinigami asked in confusion.

"Hello Ichigo," the sword said, still focused on his book.

"...Why?"

"He wouldn't shut up, so I made him do this. The tests are coming..."

"I know that. But, uh, why the lab coat?"

"I found it lying around and thought it would be fun to wear."

"Yeah, well it kinda looks like you two are acting out some kinda kinky fantasy..."

_"What?"_

"All that's missing is a whip or something and-"

"Shut up, King!" Ogihci yelled, throwing his worn-down chalk at his doppelgänger, where it produced a long streak of white across his cheek. The hollow then reached into the chalk bucket and pulled out a large, hot pink piece of chalk and continued writing while muttering to himself.

"That's just sick, Ichigo," Zangetsu remarked before sneezing loudly.

"I'm not the only sick one here," he replied, backing away from his zanpakuto. "I better not catch anything from you... Wait, is that even possible?"

"It's just all of the chalk dust..."

"The only thing you're going to catch from _Zanketsu_ is his emoness," the albino snickered from behind them, dodging a cupful of pens that the old man threw at him.

"Quit calling me that! And didn't you already give that to him?"

"What? When?" he asked, looking just as confused as Ichigo did.

"When you locked me in the Room of No Talent for _months_ with only some bread to eat and tried to take control every two seconds!"

"I did not!"

"I think he's talking about when the Visored kicked your ass back into place..."

"They had nothing to do with it!"

"Uh-huh. So Lisa's _porn mags _had nothing to do with it?"

Zangetsu gave him a questioning look. "Porn mags?"

"..."

"By the way, she wants them back."

"I don't have any porn mags!" Ogihci all but shouted.

"Oh, so _those_ were the magazines that you tried to hide under your bed."

"You hid them under your bed? That's stupid..." Ichigo remarked, smiling at the thought.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Overused," both shinigami and zanpakuto said in unison, heading towards the door.

"Hey! Where're you going?"

"To rescue Lisa's magazines," the orange-haired teen said before walking out.

"Don't worry. We aren't going to touch your pervy manga."

"How many times do I have to say it? It's not pervy!"

"Rabbit guy," Zangetsu called over his shoulder before the door slammed shut with a bang.

...

"Huh. Looks like he moved them," the sword remarked, peering under the hollow's bed.

"How long do you think it'll take him to figure out that the door's locked?" Ichigo asked, sitting up and taking a look around the room.

"I don't know," Zangetsu replied form the floor, glancing around. "Where else- oh. Never mind." He had spotted the magazines taped onto the bottom of a table. Figures.

Ichigo walked over and delicately pulled the magazines off, then looked down at his hands and grimaced, shifting them to the other hand. "Okay, ew."

"What?"

"They're sticky... Please tell me this is candy or something."

Zangetsu stood and took them from his wielder, just touching the corners. "I think it's just soda... Your mind's turning into Ogihci's."

"Oh, shut up," he shot back, snatching the porn away.

"Are you taking them back?"

"Yeah. Don't let Ogihci kill anything, okay?"

"Can I keep him locked in there?" the sword asked hopefully.

"Why not?"

...

-Back in the Real World-

As Ichigo approached the run-down warehouse, he heard shouting. After a second, he realized who it was.

"Oi, Baldy! Quit being a dumbass and get the stupid pigeon out of here!"

"Why don't you do it? I'm not the one that let it in."

"'Cause I didn't let it in either! Dumbass..."

"Why should I chase it then? I'm tired..."

"Why would I care? Ladies don't chase birds around!"

"I wouldn't really call you a lady... AH! What was that for?"

"For calling me un-ladylike!"

"Uh... should I come back later?" Ichigo asked, standing at the door and watching Hiyori and Shinji duel it out.

"Whadaya think you're looking at, Dickhead?" the short girl demanded, brandishing her sandel around. Shinji was sprawled out on the ground a few feet away, clutching his red, possibly bruised cheek and giving the shinigami a desperate look.

"I... got these back. Do you know where Lisa is?" he inquired, holding the magazines up.

"Didn't she bribe your hollow with those?" Shinji asked, sitting up.

"He had to give them back at some point, didn't he?"

"Uh, okay. I think she's down in the training room."

"Thanks," he said, walking away as Hiyori continued her assault. Only she could turn a sandal into a deadly weapon.

Lisa and Kensei were sparring when Ichigo descended the flight of stairs, only sparing him a glance before continuing their mock-fight.

"Oi, Lisa!"

She glanced at him once more before spin-kicking Kensei multiple times. He blocked them and fell back into a fighting stance before she called time.

"What?" the black-haired Visored snapped, taking a drink from a water bottle

"Here. We finally rescued them from Ogihci," he replied rather uncomfortably, handing the porn over.

"What took you? And why are they sticky?"

"...Zangetsu's pretty sure that's soda."

"It better be."

"Hey Lisa," Kensei called from his perch on a rock. "Wasn't Mashiro sparring with us?"

"Thought so," she replied, glancing around. "Where'd she run off to?"

"Mashiro... KICK!" the small, superhero-themed girl shouted, popping out of nowhere and drop-kicking Kensei.

Both Ichigo and Lisa sweat-dropped, watching Mashiro being chased around the room by Kensei, who looked like he was about to pop a blood vessel.

"I'm going to go..." the young shinigami said, starting for the stairs.

"You don't want to borrow more porn?" Lisa asked, half joking and half being serious.

"No!"

"Suit yourself," she said, shrugging before she began reading a hentai manga. Off to the side, Mashiro was now dancing circles around Kensei and, while he looked mad as hell, she seemed to be having a good time.

As Ichigo reached the warehouse again, he found that Shinji was now slumped against a wall with a bloody nose, still being yelled at.

Sighing, he just left the Visoreds and headed home.

...

"What... the... _hell_..." Ichigo slowly got out, staring at the two spirits, who now _really_ looked like they were doing something.

"What?" Zangetsu asked innocently, not seeing anything wrong.

"Uh... are you guys... _sure_ that you're not playing out some perverted fantasy?" he asked, disturbed by the fact that Ogihci was tied up with multiple belts and gagged while lying at the foot of Zangetsu's emo pole, which he was standing on, still wearing his lab coat.

"We're not being perverts, Ichigo. Well, I'm not, at least."

"_Okay_ then..." the teen said, kneeling down to unbind his hollow.

"Ichigo, no!"

"Why?" he asked as the last belt fell free and he pulled the gag out of Ogihci's mouth simultaneously. He soon got his answer.

"SUGAR!"

"HOW?"

"I don't know!"

Five minutes later, both shinigami and zanpakuto were hiding in the library as if their lives depended on it. Which they did, in a way.

"What happened?" Ichigo demanded.

"I told you- I don't know! I went to let him out of the room and he tried to jump me!"

"...I knew you two were-"

"Don't say it," Zangetsu groaned out, looking up at the ceiling. "What I want to know is where he found sugar."

"In the desk?" Ichigo guessed, running a hand through his hair.

"It was empty..."

"Well then, what did he eat? The chalk?"

They exchanged a knowing look after that.

"...Chalk doesn't have sugar in it, does it?" the sword asked worridly.

"No... I think it's mostly calcium or something." He thought for a second. "Hey, is there any chance that he might've gotten his hands on some of those candy cigarettes? Those can look like chalk."

"...Crap."

Just then, Oghici decided to investigate the library, swinging a belt around as a weapon.

"Just be quiet. He hates this section," Zangetsu whispered. Ichigo looked up and saw that they were hiding in the Romance section.

"King~... Zanny~...I know you're here~," the hollow sang out, swinging the belt pendulum-style with every word.

All was quiet for a few minutes, giving the two in hiding a bit of relief, thinking that he had left. Then their worst nightmare himself popped out from behind them, laughing like a lunatic. Both of them tried to run, but Ogihci somehow managed to get the belt wrapped around Ichigo's ankles, tripping and dragging him away.

"Ichigo!"

He only got out a yell before the hollow got him out of the room.

...

_-Two Hours Later-_

Zangetsu finally located the two boys after hours of searching. It seemed that Ogihci had dragged Ichigo to the room containing the Robot Chicken Chair and strapped him in. The unfortunate strawberry was then forced to watch some of the worst films ever, including _Troll 2_. Ogihci, meanwhile, had retreated to his room, where he was later found dumping Pixie Stix down his throat.

After the hollow had been forced to switch places with the shinigami, Ichigo had returned to the Real World. All was well until he was taking his tests and heard a cry of despair.

'No! My sake!'

Ichigo sighed. So that was what his hollow had been up to...

'It was so young! _Why_?'

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><p><strong>* - If anyone didn't get this or just hasn't seen it, Ogihci's screwing of Zangetsu's name comes from a joke in the crappy Bount arc known as the Zanpakuto Spelling Joke. (Just about the only thing worth watching in there. Other that the "Take It Off" scene. :P)<strong>  
><strong>As any good little Bleach fan knows, "Zangetsu" means "Slaying Moon". "Zanketsu", however, means "Slaying Ass". XD<strong>

**...**

**A/N- I couldn't stop thinking about how Zangetsu would react to being called an ass after I found that clip on YouTube... Figured that he wouldn't be that happy.**

**Why must there be the deadly end-of-the-year tests? DX I'm just about dying over here... What about you guys?**

**Review! Maybe it'll keep this poor writer from losing it... again.**


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